A Day with Charlotte Gray - Pt. 1

Loosely based on a real person - in real situations, my hilarious best friend.

      “Oh Captain Breastugger! We’ll never make it! Shall we take the plunge?” Charlotte exclaimed dramatically yet softly like a 1950’s movie star, fluttering her eyelids and clutching her chest. Waves were crashing high above her head against the ship, the sky boomed with thunder and lightening. There was no escape but to jump into the dark sea.

      Cue a rather tanned broad gentleman with rippling muscles and veins, whipping his long blonde hair about whilst looking constantly serious and mystified. He looked at Charlotte with intensity and wisdom beyond his years.

      “I know where I can plunge.” He growled in a french accent and grabbed Charlotte by her waist and swung her around to cradle her, her leg flicked up and she tugged on his chest.
      ”Oh captain.” She sighed and they locked tongues.

How sensational.
How slimy.

      A slow image of her small lilac bedroom ceiling appeared before her.

      Sadly, after taking it in, she realised it was all a dream and Captain Breastugger was fiction. Although, there was some tongue action still going on. She then noticed curly brown fluffy dog hair below her chin and she jumped out of bed almost instantly, hitting her hip on the small table besides her along the way, feeling as if she’s just been shot. Ruby lay on her bed wagging her tail pleased with her morning kiss and gave a little woof. Considering that was the most action Charlottes had for a little while. She scrunched her face and wiped away the doggy dribble and headed to the bathroom holding her hip and limping, to then be greeted by a locked door.

      “Brogan. Come on. You know I start earlier than you.” She moaned with her forehead resting on the door.

      “Just a second.” Brogan chimed whilst a tap was running. A few seconds later the door flew open and her little sister Brogan shot passed with what seemed to be a boy’s top. Charlotte looked after her curiously, but she did not want to be late again for work. Looking in the bathroom mirror, her short mouse blonde hair was standing on end. And somehow mascara was slightly smudged around her eyes and even on her cheeks, despite using wipes to remove it last night. But overall she didn’t look tired which was a phenomenon.

      After Charlotte had cleaned herself up. She headed to her room to turn on the TV and listened to the INSANITY infomercial ‘that showed insane results’. These American models were running about all over the place with their tanned skin, sick abs and tight bodies, looking like they were really pushing themselves to the extreme with Shaun T screaming in their faces; ‘DON’T STOP. DON’T QUIT!’ Charlotte compared herself to the women on the screen but ended up squashing the skin around her belly button and giving her stomach a mouth whilst she narrates with a low-pitched voice;

      “Don’t make me do that Charlotte, you know I like running for the ice cream van more.” She wasn’t fat. She just couldn’t help but feel podgy at times; especially when she sits down and her thighs quadruple in size. Although, she quite liked her body, she liked her hips. She put on her female suit for work, grabbed her phone and purse and made her way down to have some breakfast. Reaching the living room she heard her mum singing along to ‘Blurred Lines’ on the radio. Charlotte joined her in the kitchen and pulled out some cereal from the cupboard. Charlotte’s mum Sue tried to bump Charlotte’s hips in time to the music. Every morning this happened, so Charlotte just sighed,

      “Really.”

      Sue just scoffed at her daughter’s inability to smile in the morning and handed her a black coffee, which is Charlotte’s remedy for mornings. Charlotte munched down her Cookie Crisp and scrolled through her Facebook homepage, Twitter feed and Instagram timeline. Apart from the odd moan about the football or who was miming on X Factor, nothing really caught her eye apart from noticing she had a few Facebook adds from creepers at the weekend. Do they really think we will accept their request, thinking we are going to be the best of friends or fuck buddies? Are they thinking, ‘Oh yes, she saw me looking at her from across the bar, she must be moist for me already.’ She left them all hanging, like the previous 25 adds. Ideally, when she’ll sign in on to her account with someone else, they will notice how popular she is… or how she makes out to be.

      Getting into her Peugeot 206 the stench of the pizza box from Saturday has successfully created a new aroma for her car. She was a messy pup, but she’s always loved that about herself, how she can always present her self as a clean, tidy person with the way she dresses, her manner and hair/makeup. But if you were to step into her personal and private space, you may not come back out for a couple of days due to the quantity of belongings that sprawl across her floor and possible rodents. Starting the engine, the car was already tuned into Radio 1. She has 35 minutes to get to work in Colchester to Bairstowe Eves. Charlotte Gray, Sales Negotiator. She’s always been good at persuasion; she just had a way of selling ideas or things. It’s what got her this car and her shoes and her under wear from her previous boyfriend and many, many dinners. Setting off, she switched to her P!nk album, which is her secret pleasure. How can you not love such a powerful woman? It’s what she aims to be, someone who’s in charge with her business life and personal, but also looks beautiful and feminine at the same time. A domestic goddess, yet the hard working bitch you work for in the office.

      After Charlotte had made her way into Colchester she had become very involved in singing as loud as she could whilst smoking a cigarette. Little did she know she was coming up to a red light and a cross junction. Ignorant to her surroundings, Charlotte sailed through it whilst a large gentleman in a Fiat on her left beeped and swore at her.

      “It’s my right of way you prick!” She shouted. She didn’t understand how some people were allowed on the road. Especially the people who think driving 40mph on a national speed limit road is ‘safe’ and ‘acceptable’. She came to a halt waiting for a white van to finish unloading so she looked at her phone briefly to find a text message from her best friend Tommy.

                        “YOU LOOK RANK IN YOUR PROFILE PICTURE”

      Tommy and Charlotte have a mutual attitude problem; they are continuously arguing and insulting one another, but do enjoying each other’s company from time to time… sometimes. This time Charlotte had changed her profile picture to her and her friend Emma eating ice cream with it smudged around their mouths whilst they laughed historically and obviously Tommy had to point out her flaws. So she texts back,

                         “NICE HAIR CUT SIMON COWELL XX”

      You have to be cruel to be kind and everyone knows she will always be honest about a situation, feelings aside. She was often called the ‘Ice Queen’. She carried on driving until she reached work and parked behind the shop leaving not much space for anyone to park next to her. She didn’t realise how nippy it was outside till she had to wait for someone to let her in. Standing there shivering, Danni eventually came to answer the door.

      “Morning.” Danni yawned and they both walked into the office. Dale was already sitting at his desk sorting out his papers for the day ahead. Dale was a Sex God. He had the looks of Beckham, the charm of Beckham but the intelligence of Joey Essex. Every girl wanted him, but Charlotte. He looked up as Charlotte entered the room and immediately locked eyes with her breasts.

      “Morning Charlotte, good weekend was it?” He smirked, sticking out his tongue a little and looked back at his paperwork.

      “You know I don’t remember my weekends Dale.” She joked, turning around to her desk. Once her back was turned, Dale caught Danni’s attention and pointed towards his chest then at Charlotte. Danni was confused at what he was implying until Charlotte turned to face Danni to take her coat off and Danni stifled a giggle, causing Dale to snigger. Charlotte looked bewildered and said,

      “What?”

Danni was going to say, but Dale shook his head at her.

      “Oh, I just stubbed my toe.” She lied, smiling.

      Charlotte settled down and they all got to work until their senior manager stormed through the door, looked at his employees and carelessly chucked papers on his desk and stated loudly,

      “Your tits are hanging out Charlotte.” Dale and Danni, giggled behind their computer screens but Charlotte turned bright red and looked down to notice half her bra was on show and all her cleavage. Great start to the week.

E.T.