The unknown

 I know everybody thinks you are great but behind your Broadway show you are my worst nightmare. As a child I thought the monsters under my bed were the scariest thing I would experience, But I was wrong when I became older, I realized that all the demons and monsters are real and don’t look scary but trusting in a normal body right to hold you and break you down and leave you like it is nothing. You left a mark on me that will never go away. I will break down a million more times and I am okay with that because maybe at that moment it will feel like the world is ending, but in a couple of minutes I will be okay not perfect but okay and maybe that is enough. I know now that I do not have to perfect but okay is sometimes just sufficient. Talking about my problems is hard. You made me feel alive and loved and you took it all away. You knew my darkest secrets. You knew I was naïve. You knew exactly what you needed to say to make me trust you and like you. You made me believe it was my fault what happened. You have made me feel so lost sometimes. You know why I say sometimes because I am trying to forget, forget that you exist, what you did, what you do what my part was, our history, your face, your body, the part where I could not breath. Sometimes it feels as if my body is not mine but yours like you took it and claimed it yours without my permission or consent. Not like you ever cared about consent you took whatever you thought you deserved did not care about the other person. I will never forget your body pushing me down, you wrapping your hands around my body. I could not breath at that point. I just thought I needed to close my eyes for a few minutes. And after that you left like it was nothing like it was a normal thing