Unmentionable Things
I am a growing person. I grow in my pain, my thoughts and my happiness. If you looked at me from the outside you probably wouldn't notice much. You might see me always smiling, and assume that I am happy. Afterall, I don't express much of my emotions. Truth is, I'm not happy, I am a conflicted child on the inside. I don't know how to express my emotions anymore. I can't attach myself to anyone. I have yet to bring myself to say "I love you" to anyone anymore. But that't not by choice, it's by chance. I didn't want to have to build walls around my mind to protect myself. I didn't want to be able to not cry for anyone. I didn't want to be able to not care about anyone. I didn't want to just always argue with people to push them farther away from me because I may of liked them, but I didn't want to become hurt by them. I didn't want to be able to do any of this, when I think about it. I don't believe it was entirely my fault. Maybe if I could just change what happened, I wouldn't have to feel guilty over something I had no control over. I wouldn't have to keep myself protected like I do.
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lovely congrats x
Thank You for veiwing it :)
Nice!
Mykayla,
Sometimes we have to do what we do, in order to remind ourselves, that we to are human, feel paiin and is a live.Thus allowing us to know that we too, can administer pain, just as much as the next person and sometimes we push back those we love, rather than those, that are guilty for the pain that has been inflicted upon us, the most. We tend to find it easier to implement and they,(our loved ones), are easier to confront and understandable to your plight and will forgive you, no matter how harsh they are treated, although (we, you) don't mean to.Give yourself sometime, you will learn to trust once more and love again, all that you use to love and truly loved you.Just as some cutters cut themselves to justify to themselves, that they can control some of the pain geared to wards them, even if they are the ones conducting the onslaught upon themselves,it can be turned off, as easily as it was turned and it was manifested through their own self control.These to are some of the same mind sets of the mental abusers,it makes you feel as though you have a little control of what has you feeling cold hearted, by placing you against the world and allowing your guard down only when it is feasible to you and for you, due to being hurt so much and for so long. It feels good to be in control of your emotions, (but sad to say, not when it alienates the wrong people). Powerful story and with true feelings, emotions and meanings attached by the writer...Allow time to take its course, just as Rome, can't forgive and forget in just one day...
Kindest or regards,
Jim