Fiction

Your son was injured and I'm as sorry as I can be.
But you had no right to kill a dog who wasn't...

Because I look like Colonel Sanders, people ask me for the secret recipe.
When I tell them that I...

If you want my ex girlfriend, she's up for grabs.
But if you sleep with her, you will get the Crabs...

I tolerated my damn neighbor even though he liked to gripe.
But I drew the line when he attacked me...

Behold, we see, when you really Love
There's no freedom at all
Save, the grace to be found...

My conspiracy

that I've polished and perfected
to the point
where it could...

What happened to me was unjust and unfair.
I was framed for murder and I got the chair.
But I...

I hope that you'll believe me but you probably will not.
I have a dog and she has been smoking all...

I know that you've been looking for love and romance.
But your boyfriend only wants to get into your...

While I wasn't looking, somebody stole my soda.
I quickly learned that it was Jedi Master Yoda....

I inserted a suppository right after I had been using super glue.
My hand is stuck in my butt and I...

Life isn't very good at the moment because I'm in a state of dismay.
I thought I found the perfect...

When you ate at this restaurant yesterday, you left without paying.
I have my shotgun behind the...

I've been eating a lot of pig snouts.
And because of that, I have the gout.
I scream from the...

I sell people's body parts after I kidnap them.
My business is immoral, what I do is very grim....

You lousy Pigs just gave me a speeding ticket.
I won't pay it, you know where you can stick it!...