Yoda Stole My Soda

While I wasn't looking, somebody stole my soda.
I quickly learned that it was Jedi Master Yoda.
I walked over to his table and we exchanged words.
I really got mad when that dwarf flipped me a bird.
I beat the hell out of him, whooping him wasn't hard at all.
He tried to use the force but he was no match for me because he's only two feet tall.
Because of our altercation, that Jedi wound up in a lot of pain.
I kicked his green ass and that's why he has to use his cane.
He lost bladder control, the floor was covered with pee.
Yoda learned that it's a very bad idea to steal from me.