A Perfect Destruction

Allow me to inebriate and self-destruct 
While I aspire to circumvent 
And undermine your ignorance
Like a perfectionist, who doesn't give a fuck
And with each breath of a cigarette
I exhale the world and slowly kill myself

While drained by darkness
I am driven to destruction
As pure as the pain of which I can harness
And perfect for deaf ears
​​​​​​That seldom keep me repugnant
When I know that nothing truly matters

Let the word be a thousand paintings
With the unwritten
and inarticulate thought, a thousand more
Those vicissitudinous expositions
Inherent and yet unattainable
From where the vellum is smeared with blood
As the foundation crumbles
And I dwell still upon its floor

I will return to raise my walls
No longer held off by the rain
Worth every distraction, if I can build
Up from the cornerstone I laid
But just as I am compelled to rise
So too am I again to fall
For when given the chance
I can't help, but dream it all away