Abandon All Hope
Peaceful and passive
But I have one demon stronger than my morals
When you wake it my skin turns to steel
And my blood over boils
You have never faced a threat like me
I've seen the strongest and bravest turn and flee
And cry and beg on bended knee
The devil himself wouldn't dare to get in my way
Not on a day like today
There is nothing so evil, so cruel
So accurately vicious and mad
Creeping 'round in your imagination
Nor in any movie you've seen or nightmare you've had
We so delight in your agony
My monster and I
You've no chance to be granted mercy
Though we love to hear you try
Please, go on and cry
There is no god in the heavens
Nor devil in hell
Who would fail to comply
Their own souls would they sell
To keep the gaze of this twisted sadistic craving
Manifested into my being
From lingering near them for even the briefest of moments
Though they will try with their lives to not even be seen
You can't pay it away with all the world's riches
Every sparkling diamond and coin of gold
Or pray it away with all the world's wishes
To new gods or old
There are none so bold
Your fate is sealed now
The tide is coming in and you are made of sand
Your torment and suffering will be spectacular, eternal and grand
You should have known better
Than to so much as wonder if you should even try
To take a child from his mother's hand
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Comments
The potential for injury or death towards your child can stir up some dangerous feelings, I myself go into fit's of rage at the thought of someone harming my daughter, I scare myself sometimes. Great poem Twilla.
Thank You. And yes, whesn someone threatens our children is when most of us loose all mercy or compassion. Hate is not the most dangerous emotion. There is nothing in this world more deadly than love.
"all ye who enter here..."
I just thought I'd pick up where your title left off in relation to this very famous line, Twilla.
I hope you don't mind.
Be that as it may, I suppose I'll continue.
"When you wake it my skin turns to steal (steel)". → Do you mean "steal" as in to take something that does not belong to you, or "steel", as in solid metal?
Just askin'...
"Their own souls would they['d] sell" →You need to drop the apostrophe "d" for this line to be grammatically correct...
"...for even the [breifest] briefest of moments."→In "briefest," reverse the placement of "e" and "i"...
"...To New [G]gods or old
[Their] There are none so bold"→ The word "gods" should not be capitalized in this context, Twilla. God is only capitalized in reference to the Almighty Creator.
The wrong homophone, "their" was used as this word is possessive. You're seeking the word that denotes a place..."there", as in, "Hey look, over there!"
This could benefit from a bit of editing.
However, I did enjoy the meaning behind it.
Keep those creative juices flowing!
~Dean ... ;)
I'll edit it soon. Thank you Dean. You know, my 9th grade lit teacher still pops up on my Facebook here and there just to correct my spelling and grammar lol.
I woke up from a nightmare last night. I had been trying to dig my child out of the ground. I woke up extremely shaken and couldn't sleep until I wrote this out. So it was posted in haste. My grammar can get pretty bad if I rush. As for my spelling... well, I think I am probably the only student who was actually told by the most strict and demanding lit. teacher that I just didn't have a talent for it and to just get a good editor and a decent spell checker.
Hey TWILLA!!......the power of the phrasing is felt through the rage (for me) here...... building to that final line and helping drive home a most emotionally charged issue for many....... taking a child from its mother is practically asking for the death sentence almost anywhere in the world!!...... you've done a great job with this piece my friend!!......I haven't been around lately, got a lot of catching up to do!!.....I pray all is well with you and yours!!.......ALL STARS!!..... well done dear poet sister!!......LOVE and ROCKETS!!....???✴✴??✴❤?
Thank You so very much, Tony! As always your comments are so very appriciated. I havent been around muxh myself. Quite a lot going on in my life. I will hopefully be able to hop on over to read everyone's most recent works soon as well. Much love to you ?