Poem -

Again & Again (Smiling Depression)

Again & Again (Smiling Depression)

The mask is cracking once again.
Hand me that pen and I'll start again.
I'll have the biggest smile once again.
I'll have the clearest eyes once again.
I'll suffer over and over again.
Nobody will know how much pain I'm in again,
But that's why I wear the mask over and over again.
Don't you understand that I was in pain again?
No, you didn't because I wore the mask again,
The one I swore never to wear again.
The loop shall continue again.
It's just a silly game I play over again,
Except I cant restart again.
I suffer again.
I have to cure myself again,
Or I'll break down again,
And the mask will break once again.
So hand me that pen and I'll start over again.
Don't want me to continue this over and over again?
I'll use the knife then I'll never be like this again...
Never again

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Comments

author
sarah harry

perfect title, you can feel the  tension and frustration building in this piece .

although putting on a brave front to you might seem shameful,i can tell you it takes a lot of strength to do so. this time fight harder except this time know you are stronger

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author
TheInvisableOne

Thank you so much for tis comment, im glad you could feel the tension and frustration as thats what i was going for.

As much as I'd like to put on a brave front, sadly i can't. The mask won't let me and will most likely never come off. Trust me when i say i have reached out for help but no matter what, it doesn't work. I had a therapist when i was about 9 and i hated it because of all the attention and my troubles would be told to my mom even though the therapist said they wouldn't tell anyone, i knew she would. Thats when the mask formed. i convinced my mom that i wasnt broken, i was happy and it worked. now i just suffer in silence and i know if i tell my mom i have smiling depression she won't believe me. Whenever im crying for no reason or sad she says im not "normal". This poetry site lets me reach out anonymously and it helps. So i don't think im ready to fight yet, but thank you and i swear im not saying any of this to make you feel bad for me, thats the last thing i want.

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author
sarah harry

i was drawn in buy the image because i used it once, pretending everything is ok is the brave front i refer to, that takes a lot out of you.

like the saying fake it till you make it (pretend to be happy until you are) 
it's just it starts to feel like it's eating at you from the inside and the lump in the throat. writing helps it really does i hope you continue to write. you need not worry about me pitying you i won't do that i know what that feels like

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author
Greg Etsell

great poem I wrote one not to long ago called THE MASK OF LIFE

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author
Shorty Green

Another great poem of yours I have read and felt the same feelings. I know how you feel hun. Keep strong. X

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author
TheInvisableOne

Thank you Hun xx I did reply to your comment ages ago but I’ve just realised it didn’t send. Stay strong too 

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author
Freya

Wow! I can tell you deserve that Nomination. Best of luck to winning. 

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