Poem -

All I want for Christmas... Is you.

All I want for Christmas... Is you.

The Christmas after I lost her was one of the hardest.
I woke up that morning, and could only stare at the gray wall,
dawn barely peaking through the blind.
I always woke up before the sun rose.
For reasons I would never tell anyone.
I always thought of her. I my mind,
In my soul, in my waking dreams.
Weighing me down Like anchors.
I waited for a long time there,
waiting and waiting. For the light to shine,
to chase away the shadows.
So we could watch the sunrise.
I was thinking of her. 
I imagined her and I sitting next to the window,
watching the dawn together, like she wanted.
That had to count for something,
even if I didn't want to move anymore.
But, outside my door, I heard excited scurrying,
I heard the children stirring,
Heard my parents' door opening,
so I put on my best smile as I got up.
I wouldn't ruin their Christmas.
One day a year they were allowed to be happy.
One day I couldn't quite appreciate anymore.
We sat down by the tree, 
And I tried my best to be happy.
I smiled and oohed and aahed.
I accepted my gag gifts with laughter,
I tried my very hardest to put on a show.
But, then, I saw a couple walking by outside,
and my heart broke further.
I saw it in my mind's eye.
I saw her and I walking where they were,
me walking to her house that morning,
surprising her by waking her up,
giving her the present I bought her months before.
It was still there, in the closet, waiting,
waiting for a recipient who would never receive it.
I started to shatter, and I saw their worry begin to take root.
I excused myself to my room,
and curled up on my bed.
My mother entered the room.
She asked if I hadn't gotten what I wanted.
I almost screamed at her.
I told her I didn't want anything else,
that I'd received everything I wanted.
I thanked her,
told her I was thankful.
But, my heart knew the truth.
I would give everything I had away,
every Christmas, Birthday, Holiday before and after,
all of my everything,
Just to see her again.
They left, and I curled up tighter.
I saw her laying there beside me,
looking at me with sad eyes.
"What more do you want?" She asked me.
"You" I responded, before curling up again inside.
All I wanted now,
all I would ever want...
What I would wish until the end of my days.
"All I want for Christmas... Is you."
She hugged my arm tightly, though I knew she wasn't there.
She wasn't there.
And part of me started to die.
 

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author
Cherie Sumner-Taylor

Awww.....I am sure every Christmas is bittersweet....I wish we could go back in time and change things...but alas, the best we can do is hold onto memories that bring back the people we have lost....to honor them in the good times we remember.  It is a pain that I am not sure ever completely heals,....I really miss my friend, Brian...and I know I always will, but I know he would want me to do just like you and remember the funny happy person he was while here.  Thank you for sharing. xo

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