ALL & NOTHING

Every year I grow older, not wiser
I see my future leave from my grasp, 
The smoke clears, you left a scar
You, my first love, lost for words & gasp, 
We were deep in love, in our secondary school 
We fantasied children, home & being wed, 
You hurt me a million times, many ways
My clothes tatty, you teased, we met you said, 
For many reasons we went our separate ways 
I took the wrong path,yes many a year, 
My health crumbled, my future grim
I hurt those around me, change I couldn't hear, 
A job here, a job there, a broken dream 
I gave up on love, baggage to much to hold, 
I watched friends & family die around me
I know I'll die alone, destiny alone & cold, 
Spirits of friends come to visit me daily
I wait for the clock to stop, restart, 
I hope you are happy, sincere sweetheart 
The past, the future I will cherish your heart, 
You & I were a happy time I've ever been 
I felt love, I felt loss, will be will be, 
We were each others first, we were united 
We broke up, you said you'd cheated on me, 
It was someone I knew, broke me in two
Under your window, some nights I secretly stood, 
I knew I'd lost the only thing I cherished 
The only one, got me clothes, a loving did me good, 
The dreams flew away with years that pass
It took many a year to heal my heart, 
I lost you & all my friends, around me slowly 
One day my mum, then gone, then where to start, 
Shackles bind me to my past childhood 
Memories haunt, some cast to the deep, 
I long for the warmth, a lover, a friend 
And, peacefully close my eyes, happy into sleep.