Alone with the monster...

The monster lies in the dark where you cant see him. He wait patiently for you to fall into a deep sleep! He makes his move slowly over to the bed, once he is there he puts his hand firmly over your mouth, you wake right away! He tells you not to scream or you'll be sorry! You keep your mouth shut and eyes open! You wish to close them but they wont close! You wish you could scream but every time you try a firm hand covers your mouth and reminds you that you WILL be sorry! When he is finished he starts to leave, right before he goes he tells you if you tell anyone he will do the same to your sister! Still sobbing you just nod your head so he knows you understand him. He leaves... You don't sleep that night you think what you did wrong this time, you think why did he do that to me? When morning came you went to school wearing baggy close to hide the bruises and a fake smile to hide the painful secret! That's when all the fake smiles started and the REAL ones stopped! When you come home you help your brother and sister with homework and after school chores. When your done you go up to your room and hide there until the sun sets and the monster returns! You try to run, you try to fight, but it's pointless! He will go for your sister so you stop fighting and bite your tough hard so you don't feel the pain or what he is doing to you! Morning comes fast and you run to school for help they don't believe you so you ran away. You left your sister behind for the monster to have joy for the night! You go back and your mom is calling the house phone you pick up right away... You tell her what happened and she came back home as soon as she could get there! She fought with you agents the monster... This time you win and your are free from him! Your free to run and that what you did... Knowing your sweet loving sister is save you ran for dear life. Even though he was gone, the nightmares still lurk and so does the pain and fear! You go to all different places like UA North and other lock up places. Your sister still loved you then and came to see you, time after time you failed to follow the rules and time after time you ran! Finally your moms new boyfriend who drank way too much kicked you out they gave up on you that time but your sister was still there to love you and believe in you! But as time past you disappointed her one too many times and lied to her too many times. She finally realized that you where never going to Chang and she gave up on you as well you just don't know that yet! You have not changed scenes he hurt you and tour your family apart! What you don't know is he did hurt your sister and he wins even when he lost, you lost your self that first night you lost you childhood you lost everything you had to lose in one night all to the monster who betrayed you, your mom your family. You were lost and now so am I! I am your sister and you left me all alone and betrayed ME! I was always there for you, but you were never there for me! Why? Was I not good enough for you was I not what you wanted me to be? Or was it that the monster was my father and I was his little girl?!?! Why betray me it's not my fault my father was fucked up in the head! He raped you and molested me! What more do you want from me? I'm becoming you... Is that what you wanted this whole time? I was raped years after he was gone! By my own brother. At lest Carl wasn't  your REAL father and at lest you don't share the same blood! My own blood raped me! My own blood molested me! I should be more hurt than you! You are still mad at the world for one fucked up piece of shit for a father! You were suppose to protect me! Where were you when I was being molested?! Where were you when I was being raped?! Where were you when I needed you?!?! Why were you never there for me but I was there for you? I'm the little sister, you were suppose to be my role model and lead me through life! You were never there and now I am never there for our little brother I'm suppose to be his role model but I'm not and you weren't either! Why? You left me all alone with people who hate me because of my fucked up father! They hate you for hating the world and they will never forgive me because of what I have become! A monster just like my father I don't go around raping people but I do blame them for what happened and I do push every one out of my life so I can live alone in hurt and pain! I don't sleep at night until every one else is asleep and the nightmares wake me up in tears of pain! Some times I can still hear you sobbing at night and I can fell the presents of him in my sleep! Some times I hear him talking to me telling me to come down stairs with him! I cant get the feeling of him being there to go away and I can't stop the sobbing at night either! This is what I have become and I still hear you tell me you love me and I still hear the fighting of mom and father! I hear the things I wish I couldn't hear anymore but I put on a fake smile and go on with my (not at all) perfect life as if none of it ever happened! Alone with the monster that will never disappear! The monster I'm me will never leave until the REAL monster is dead! Then I will finally be at peace with my self and my own monster will fade and let me love again and be happy once again! I will have a new chance at life and I will take it with pride at knowing I will not mess this up! The nightmares will fade over time and my wounds will heal! As will yours we will be at peace some time along the way of life! In the end it will all be OK and if it's not OK it's not the end!

By: Jasmine Mason
Detected to: my sister Alexis Mason