Athsma Caused By This Darkness

Every sparing moment of my life
is not of use.
I use my free time to sink.
Not that it is a choice of mine.
I think. I talk to myself. 
I have lost count of how many arguments I’ve had with myself.
After I realize that I’m talking to no one, I shed tears. 
Because I realize that I have no one. No one at all. As my legal guardians say to me, “Were protecting you, from the world.”
They don’t understand that it’s just leading me to suicide. Being sheltered is not easy. Having devorced parents is not easy. Having depression and anxiety is not easy. Being left by your mom is not easy. Not hearing from your dad, years at a time is not easy. Being kidnapped at the age of two is not easy. And fighting this darkness is not easy. Not at all.
It’s hard to breath when you’re drowning in shit.
Why.
Please.
Tell me why.
Is life so hard.
Because my breath,
is about to give up.