Blood and water
A pantoum
The bitterness brims and bubbles away
As the heart that once felt love overspills
Leaving only burnt ashes left to stay
Betrayal hurts more, as vengeance distillsย
As the heart that once felt love overspills
Venomous asps bite down on softest flesh
Betrayal hurts more, as vengeance distillsย
The surface punctures are now simply etched
Venomous asps bite down on softest flesh
Deception manifests into such hate
The surface punctures are now simply etched
Veins filled with poison, it maybe too late
Deception manifests into such hate
No antidote, only suffering pride
Veins filled with poison, it maybe too late
Fighting the toxin that's built up inside
No antidote, only suffering pride
Water disperses as, bloods thickening
Fighting the toxin that's built up inside
So lay down and die, or wake up and win
Water disperses as, bloods thickening
Leaving only burnt ashes left to stay
Donโt lay down and die, just wake up and win
As bitterness brims and bubbles away
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Comments
Brilliant luv & pinned xx
Thank you, I'm glad you liked it xx
๐โค๏ธ๐โญ๏ธ
Hi Lorna wow an amazing piece of writing. So deep in meaning. Just beautiful to read! Px
Thank you so much, I appreciate you reading my work xx
A clever poem Lorna!ย The repetition of various lines throughout, makes this poem work when read from bottom to top ...so you can read down and then read all the way back up. But, all that aside, the poem speaks eloquently of the bitterness that betrayal leaves in its wake. Great poem ๐ x
Thanks so much, I like the repetitive nature of a villanelle, it helps me focus on what I want to portrayย
I'm glad you enjoyed this one
Lorna xx
WOW &ย WOW again!!....you nailed the rhyme scheme of theย Villanelle perfectly dear poet sister......Except I thought they normally had 19 lines?......this must have been an exercise as well as a creative endeavor for you!!...regardless, it is VERY well conceived and BEAUTIFULLY delivered LORNA!!......you should be proud of this piece...its tone and intent work hand-in-glove!!....and the subject matter is conveyed in stellar fashion!!......ALL STARS & PINNED!!.....Bravo!!......LOVE & ROCKETS!!......T xoย : )
Haha, ๐คYes you're right Tony, I wrote this one about 4 years ago..I thought I'd pop it In. Must have gotten carried away with the rhyme scheme๐๐ย
thank you so much for your kind feedback, it's very much appreciatedย
lorna xx
ย
When I wrote this I misfiled this as a villanelle.., I'm glad you brought it to my attention Tony as it took me a while to realise it's a pantoum Haha
this is what I get for posting my older work!! Xx
A great strong feelings poem expressed in blood ink. Kudos !
Plz do read and comment my newest poem too.ย
Thank you for reading my work, I'll take a look at yours now :) x
Couldn't go without a pin Lorna. What a deeply entangling read. Seems like a bath of emotions for me, nevertheless enjoyed it all the same. Hope you are well~ Max
Thank you, glad you enjoyed it :)
Nice to have you back Lorna; great work
Thanks Leah, I haven't been on much just having a look about :)ย
Such a powerful piece which works on many levels to help you understand the intensity of the living being and the frailty of any position. It makes you consider your existence and where you are. And where you wish to be.
Thanks for sharing.ย ย
Such a powerful piece which works on many levels to help you understand the intensity of the living being and the frailty of a certain positioning. It makes you consider your existence and where you are. And where you wish to be.
Thanks for sharing.ย ย
Thanks for your kind words Richard, hope your well :) x
Thank you for providing such an eloquent dramatic work. Hope you keep writing your admirable pieces........ to the satisfaction of many. x
In a similar vein to Mr. Kipling, I must say Lorna makes exceedingly good poems .. & if anyone who follows me here doesn't understand what I mean, either because they are too young, or not from this green & pleasant land of mine .. then I would be happy to enlarge if you care to ask me nicely .. Nevilleย
Hi Neville, that comment is "truly Scrumptious" is that older? Its definitely from my childhood but it was old then I think, ( I'm an 80s child)ย
thank you for your commentย
Lorna x
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