It's Ironic to think how we begun,
Just a girl & a boy who had "some fun",
Who'd of thought that your now the man I hope to one day love,
It's Ironic how I fell for your friend and you was the plus one,
But I soon changed my mind when I felt you inside & the wetness of your tounge,
Its then I realised the rumours were true, you WERE well hung.
It's Ironic that we didn't really speak, hangout or meet,
And now we have a connection that makes me weak.
To think I was using my eyes but never took one look,
I was oblivious to the man that boy would one day become.
Mad how years later here we are sharing the same chapter but different books,
I don't know much but garuntee god sent me my soul mate to fuck.
I developed an interest over time,
Fantisisying bout being your partner in crime,
We had that vibe, that old fashioned bonnie & Clyde,
The make belief that I was his & he could be mine.
I liked your swag, your b-boy style,
the I don't give a fuck attitude had be high for a while.
You was the devil in disguise with seductive hazel eyes,
Ready to seduce me with your devlish lies.
I blad on your new shirt and it was definitely fucked,
as I staggered towards your bedroom window paralytic drunk,
I felt the cold air hit my face as I threw up,
You through me out into the street & I fell like a whore to your feet,
Running back towards your door as I was in need,
I had no idea where I was so didn't want to leave,
But you laughed In my face & shuvved me away,
So off I walked with nothing to say,
Just thinking about a boy who never gave a fuck anyway.
Through the woods I stood a scared little girl lost in the dark, facing the realisation that there never really was a spark,
It was all fueled by lies & twisted truths, hand crafted within the mind of the vindictive you.
Who'd of thought 9 years on you'd be lying in my bed,
With the warmth of your breath carresing my neck.
I'm now looking at my hero & my best friend,
Your now the only man I prey to be beside me at the end.
Gradually I fall a little bit deeper each day,
Preying that your sub consciously doing the same,
But This feelings is abit serial,
Like I'm trapped in a movie and it's the last sequel.
I sense its's too late to hold my heart on my sleeve,
As it slipped through my fingers the moment my mind said "I don't want him to leave".
We hate like lovers, love like haters but protect like brother & sister but In the back of my mind I'm waiting for the day you come home and say "babe I missed ya".
Through the days your demons danced with mine,
Each day without knowing, you bypass every sign,
they're practically glowing, like ignoring feelings that are rapidly growing,
Your ignoring the girl who adores you without knowing.
It angers me to see you obsessed in your fantasies, blinded by thoughts that aren't consciously true,
Dreaming about a nice arse & big boobs,
But your blind if you can only see, above the surface of the girl that's not me,
If you open them wide you will see the truth,
That I've been here all long waiting for you,
But as I stand with a smile that hides a million truths,
And even tho I'm hurting inside because of you,
I I'll stay true to myself & prey that God will guide me the right path with or without you.
Your heart, protects me
Your head, defends me
Your soul, awakens me
Your mind, excites me
Your darkness, enlightens me,
Your charisma, arouses me
Your body, craves me.
& every word spoken from your lips is spell that has alined me.
I wish you could feel what I feel, see what I see, the intensity, the passion
to thrive in life to become the best person I can be,
It would seem a shame if you had to leave,
before I had a chance to show you what I could as a woman achieve.
The thought that you will never fall in love with me,
Has left me with a wound i cannot heal,
You can not feel,
you can not see the bleeding heart that is within me,
you can not hear the voice that won't set me free,
The words felt like a knife to the chest & it cut deep,
So I accepted what must be,
That you are my friend & nothing more to me.
So I'll silence the girl thats hopes to be your queen,
instead ill allow her to take over in my dreams,
Youll catch a glimpse of her if you look close enough,
You'll see that twinkle in her eye when she wants to act tough.
As I gave myself the ultimatum to be his friend or foe,
I took a deep breath and whispered to the me within my soul..
" Cross my heart & hope to die I'll achieve my goal & you'll see me thrive,
I'll banish the demon that infects my mind & any devilishsh traits that I may find, guide me from the dark & back into the light"
So I'll hold onto that little bit of hope, that you may fall for the girl you are yet to know,
Maybe she could be the one to make you glow, the one that helps you succeed & grow.
Your safety net when life hits an all time low,
When the material things have no value & people stop caring around you, and the girls within your mind no longer satisfy you,
that's when you'll see that you made a mistake, she was there all along but now it's too late.
I promise from this day forward,
to cherish every moment I have made with you,
Every laugh, every smile, every time you hugged me for a while,
Ill never forget the man who helped sculpture me into the woman I always wanted to be.
If life takes a dark turn & things weren't meant to be,
Then I'll forever hold my peace, and let him go be free,
But no matter where lifes takes me,
I'll forever hold his memory in my heart, cos to me I was his lock & he was my key 🖤