drugs & alcohol

i ease my pain in all the wrong ways
stay up all night and then sleep through the days
not one bottle but six
anything for a temporary fix
i forget what it feels like to be fully clean
doing drugs and alcohol is my daily routine 
it is no longer any fun
i gave in and my demons won
my body but i am no longer in control 
someone else is now playing my role
what a mess i have become 
any substance to make me numb
all my money goes towards making magic potions 
anything strong to block out all my emotions 
i hate the feeling of being alive
anything so my sleep can deprive 
constantly only living in my dreams
facing reality is harder than it seems
i say i will stop but it is all lies
brew tea with the bags under my eyes
started with a drink to ease the pain
now i rack lines of cocaine 
drank bottles pretending their mouths belonged to you
i still cannot deal that you found someone new
my reflection? i do not know her 
it is hard to live sober 
started as a smoker 
by october i was a stoner
anything to feel something 
inside there is nothing 
i didn’t know there were over a hundred ways to break one heart 
when you left you took a part
substances to make me feel whole
to replace my happiness that you stole