Growing up me

I remember
When all I had to protect myself from
Were the monsters 
Under my bed
Then I turned five
And the monsters in my head
Well, they made it harder to stay alive
Going on six
There was this monster down the hall
He just stood there and watched me
Like it was nothing at all
Coming to age seven
Too young to understand
The all consuming depression
But there was nobody there, offering a helping hand
So before I was eight I was suicidal
And then he looked me in the eyes,
he told me hush hush
You don't have to be scared
I lost my innocence
When I was only eight
And he told me 
"If you like it it isn't rape"
But I knew if I said I didn't
I might not make it
To age nine
This one wasn't too bad
A little more abuse
From my step dad
But I survived
I made it to ten
Then I was kidnapped again
Carried away
Away from my family and nonexistent friends
Into another state
Given it was my mom
But she never loved me
So she might as well
Have been a stranger
Especially when her and him
Lashed out in anger
Now I'm older
Now I'm broker
Now I'm wiser
But I'm a survivor
This was my life
With so much more as well
Hello, hello
Welcome to the gates of hell