Her

I can't make you love me if you can't, don't, or won't
Just like I shouldn't have fallen for you even though I could, did, 
but maybe I wouldn't if I had known before that you still had something special for her,
That's why sometimes honestly I wish I was... her
Am I jealous of... her?, Or do I maybe envy... her?
I don't really know and it's driving me insane
the way you talk about her, Do I even become a second in your brain?
I don't really know but it's tearing me apart
the way you defend her, Do I even have a spot in your heart?
At first I was genuinely hopeful, I was genuinely happy,
then it all suddenly became so unclear,..
I became doubtful, and I became overfilled with misery
Do you even know?,.. How it makes me feel?
To know that she still has your heart concealed
like a secret you tell someone you know who would never reveal
Do you even care?,.. How it affects me mentally, emotionally, and yes even physically, because...
I'm not... her, and because I'm not her... intellectually, 
and I'll never be connected to you 
on a level that she still gets to keep, because... 
I'm me and all I'm given is the chance whenever you're not here
is to sit on my bed, and do nothing but periodically weep,..
and so I'm sorry, I'm sorry because...
I'll never look like her either,.. unfortunately
I know I can't make you love me, because it's not something I would do
but could you please tell me what am I supposed to do?,..
when all I can see is my future with you?
I won't call this a forever thing
Because neither one of us know what tomorrow could bring...
Which makes me go back to the subject of... her
Is this really a relationship? Do you even really want to be together?
I can't say because I don't know and I don't think I'll truly ever know..
if I'm jealous of... her?, of if maybe I do in fact envy... her...?
I don't know and it's becoming so haunting
my heart cries out for you, but you never respond to its taunting,
It makes me feel like I'm swirling in circles, trying to break free from a square
so please tell me, is there a part of you that actually cares?
I've stated it before, but okay, fine,.. I'll say it once more,.. 
I'm not her... intellectually, 
and I'll never be connected to you 
on a level that she still gets to keep, because...
I'm me and all I'm ever given is the chance whenever you're not here
is to sit on my bed and do nothing but periodically weep,..
and so I'm sorry, I'm sorry because...
I'm me... and I'll never look like her either,.. unfortunately,.. 
I just hope one day soon...
I might even possibly start praying that one day soon,.. 
you'll start to love me...
because when that day hopefully does come,..
I know you and I will live together peacefully.

Stephanie Davis
12/06/2024