Hey

Hey Mom

Down a dark black hole
Memories are empty and I’ve been left alone
I was taught to roll with the punches and ease up on my backbone 
But now I’m grown and better aware of those slaps against my cheekbone 
I was taught that love could be expressed by anger 
And it was ok to put my safety in danger
Momma said don’t talk to no strangers
Here's a game changer mom, you’re the stranger
I guess it’s all part of human nature though
Use your child as an advantage then leave, what a combo
Sleep around and became a hoe, acted like a bitch please go back to the dog show
Or better yet just disappear so i can lay awake at night wishing upon the stars for you to come back and praying you’d be here
Abandonment is what I grown up to fear
Drinking my problems away, there goes another beer
I always questioned myself year after year 
Did i leave you in disappointment? Was that why you weren’t here? 
Locked me in my room cause my cries were too hard to bare
Is that dad’s voice I hear?
Shouting and arguing as if you guys were on a red carpet premiere
That’s why I liked astronauts, they got to escape from this brutal atmosphere 
I tried holding up a strong frontier but it was broken down by my tears
I was hoping the outraged images could be unclear
But when I slept, I dreamed and when I dreamed, violent images would appear
Maybe this explains why I never felt secure
Maybe this is why when someone was rude to me I still remained sincere 
Or maybe this is why my mental state can never persevere
Thanks mother bear for participating as a temporary volunteer  
Not to mention always lending me a listening ear 
I also would like to add a thanks for making an attempt to  coming into my life to interfere 
And I hope my sarcasm has become crystal clear
My skies have remained grey
I was 5 when I ran away 
I was mature enough to know I wasn’t safe and this abuse wasn’t child’s play
I remember standing on the balcony wanting to end the pain that day but look here I am today
Hey mom I have  6 overdue essays
I’m getting drunk and always seeing a blurry face
I’m sure one day my liver will decay 
But this is what helps with the pain
Even though I have a breaking point and tend to go insane 
My anxiety and depression can’t be sustained so here I am sitting at the window frame
watching the raindrops race each other down taking me back to good ol’ days,  arriving me to my new town
Where I thought I was princess wearing a crown, dressing in cute purple gowns and watching the  sun go down
I want you to know that at one point I thought of you as a mom  but now you’re just people, a common noun 
I was once lost, now I’m lost with myself and can’t be found
Silenced by whispers and murmurs, I am told to not make a sound
I always obeyed your orders for safety and now I’m left with psychological disorders 
I guess I should end this 
I was just living in the past with this shit 
Always imagining your silhouette 
You were someone I couldn’ forget 
Hey mom!  here I am today not feeling great but I’m doing okay
I just wanted to say you were too late and you took your fate, drugs and boys as an escape but I took mine 
Maybe in time we will meet up again but until then this is where it ends. 
-Your sweet little angel -