hope is for mama's

You said i was safe that the monsters hiding under my shallow bed
Don’t get good kids
Mama what did i do  wrong i prayed for the forgiveness never given it to the rich kids
Because grandma never got to puru after all
Mama is it true that your prayers get answered with the grace of god
That you have touched his hand
Do you know me
Mama you covered my eyes as we watched scary movies at home
You never told me that when i get old you can't cover my eyes anymore
You did sit me down and explain that nothing will be the same anymore
You said i threw applesauce on the walls when i was small
Why didnt i listen when you said to turn my night light on
I never did tell you that i wrote my name really pretty on your flowered paper
And hung it on my locker
Mama those girls called me names
Said i was a freak
Mama they threw things at me
mama
Mama i will never be the same
Do you remember when i told you i didn't like middle school after all
Came home with tears and screamed at it all
Because somehow it was God's fault
Mama you handed me two dollars and my keys
And told me it was time for me to take the bus
I didn't know what you meant until i started walking
Mama you told me that boys are dumb
I might give you that one
Because right now i dont feel strong i feel small
Sometimes i dont feel pretty or
smart
mama sometimes this seems wrong
This doesn't seem fair
Because i care about it all
Jeremy is clueless will he know what do if
He gets pulled over
And see the red and blue mama are you scared
My mommas father was a robber
Of childhood innocence and security
Last time i saw him his momma was dying
But my mother was dying from the poison he spit and wouldn't stop firing
We took her piano and continued living
Photo albums that contain no trace of this man who sent the wall coming at her face
My mommas momma is beautifully broken
Her cracks covered in gold painted tin foil
My pappa is a man of few words
Let me lay on his back
As he walked on his hands and knees to make me happy
The smell of mango butter that lingered in my braids is fading
The glasses i never needed are needed now
Sometimes i wonder if i think hard enough
The braids will continue to swing by my ears
With blue butterfly clips  at the end
Maybe my hot pink cowboy boots will fit again
But who knew i’d find myself valuable again
Back then childhood was a hershey's kiss and holding hands in latchkey
Hot summers
Spent with kids i didn't even like
Childhood
A bittersweet tragedy
Covered in love,mango butter,and a little bit of cocoa butter
On my sisters extremely ashy legs
Born with sun kissed skin
Mine lighter serving as a reminder im not purely african
My last name isn't mine
And i'll admit it's a fire that burns in my mind
And burn vitium of history
permanently benched on the side lines
Of a game im not permitted to play
A film is all
Not shot in color but in black and white
Mamma are you scared