I don’t hate you but...

 I’ve been writing too much about you and I’m sure my fans are curious to know who you are. But your a fan too for stumbling on my page. Today I became “hurt bae” and you played the other party. You said a couple of things that crippled my heart and.. getting up from  the bathroom floor made me feel dizzy. You don’t know that I cried in the dark because the light hurt my eyes.

   My dinner today consisted of a box of chocolates that was gifted to me by a friend ...because it’s what you do when your depressed. While I’m sure you enjoyed a vanilla protein shake. I spent most of my days crying for hours while you slept comfortably in your bed. I’d sleep and wake up to pee and then cry myself back to sleep. It became a routine for me like the way you have yours. 

I cried so much at one point it hurt to breath. I’m still trying to breath. Your phone is filled with girls you find attractive and conversations of “ when are we fucking?” While mine remains blank. 

I know Im stupid I know for thinking we could fix it.  W. T . F .

Make sure you tell your “girls” that you don’t want anything serious....or don’t that way if you really fall them and they treat you like shit...you’ll remember how I good I was to you.

You think that after all this I’d hate you? But I don’t.
 

After every year and heartache you’d think that I would. I’m sure if you were me..you probably would too.

But I don’t. 

But today I decided to not beg you ever again, or look for you in old conversations or photos . Today I decided that my worth is valued way more then any of your hookups and pretty faces on your phone. And If 3.5 years meant nothing to you? Then so be it. I don’t want to care.

But you won’t catch me begging you again. 

I just feel bad that one day you’ll look for me In somebody else. Trust me that hurts more..I would know.

When I tell you my chest hurts? I mean it. 

It’s okay though and even if you say your over me...I know apart you isn’t.

Why are men like this?

But if I ever cross your mind  when someone finally does you wrong.... I know You’ll wish I was still yours.

You think that after all this I’d hate you? But I don’t. After every year and heartache you’d think I would. I’m sure if you were me..you probably would too.

No, I don’t hate you
But you’ll never catch me begging.