I love you in the most unplatonic way

             Its gotten easier to go on without you but don't think I stopped caring you. You text me out of the blue and leave me with mixed emotions but apart of me smiles and cries at the sametime. The summer is approaching and I cant help but to remember how  the summer breeze felt on my face when I held your hand. The sticky sweet chocolate ice cream from Marble slab stained my face and your jokes about God knows what lingers on my brain. The idea of one day forgetting forever scares me. I dont want to forget you even if you want me too. I remember one time you said, " I do miss you but my way of showing it is by asking you to go eat with me". So now every random invite I keep telling myself that you do..and that you wont say it out loud.
       I love you in the most unplatonic way just in case you didn't you. I'm aware that you bury yourself in work in order to forget me, but the way you text me says other words. Apparently I myself text you back and I promise you its not by force. Today I had anxiety and I remembered how I'd call you just to hear your voice...because you were my tempur pedic pillow in the most meaningful way. I was your anxiety pocket and if you want? I still could be. I found myself on Youtube watching meditation videos instead............
        You said it would get easier once I moved away, but would it get easier for you to know that I'm gone?
I wish we could take back those conversations that we had back, I wish I still invited for Chinese New Year, I wish you never allowed that girl to come over and take my spot. My side hurts again, fuck here comes the anxiety.....Its gotten easier to go on without you but don't think I stopped caring. You text me out of the blue and leave me with mixed emotions but apart of me smiles and cries at the sametime..........but

Just  know that I love you in the most unplatonic way & I know you do too .