I'm Barney Fife

I'm Barney Fife and I accidentally blew off my foot.
Andy took my gun and put it somewhere and you don't want to know where it was put.
Andy put it there because he was really pissed.
To get my gun back, I had to go to a Proctologist.
Thelma Lou was my girl and I should've married her while I had the chance.
She's married to another man and now I'll never be able to get into her pants.
Andy fired me yesterday because I beat up the town drunk.
Otis puked on my clean uniform and I beat him like a punk.
Just last week, Andy and I were stopping people from making moonshine.
Now I have an artificial foot and I'm standing in the unemployment line.

(This poem is based on The Andy Griffith Show.)