I'm not doing it.

I'm not doing it the undignified. 
I don't want to do it. 
It makes me feel so uptight. 

Shouldn't be raped by a stranger. 
That younger in a huff girl agrees with me. 
I don't want to do it, even if it's for my own good. 
I have a phobia, irrational or not it's oh to real as I cringe. 

I know I'm being difficult, stubborn and maybe stupid. 

Yet head banging proves pointless. 
Please please don't lie there and take it the forced, the forceps, the stirrups. 
Please not again, please not me.
Please leave damaged goods be. 
Its the most vulnerable part of me. 
I don't want it stretched beyond.
Possibly stitched, torn, medically inspected. 

I won't be able to consent. That little me and her friend dignity won't sign. 
I fade away and tell her to grow up. 

Fear refuses, won't comply influences how heavy a burden. 
I'm not doing it. 
Noooooo. 
I can't keep doing this. 
I have to cringe. 
How sad, so sorry, scared wee nightgown girl.
Sorry their twisting your arm and parting your legs again.

That I have to let  so called doctors re rape her.