Impossible mission to identify mine heretically rooted hair issue

Worrisome male pattern baldness
never recedes from forefront of mine noggin.

Though loss of hair
NOT characteristic within genes,
nor hearty chromosomes,
nevertheless, anxiety prevails,
that yours truly will witness bald pate.

Additionally his mood directly
linkedin with plethora of irrational notions,
whereby such groundless, mindless, rootless...
senseless thoughts underlie and sway moody blues
of super tramping fo fighting beastie boy.

After richly lathering and
thoroughly massaging aging scalp
constituting head property one very familiar
long haired pencil necked geek,
I subsequently rinse out shampoo
and proceed to shake out matted hair
back and forth to and fro
(think whiplash) goes sodden crown
even thee missus coon sitters me a freak.

In the mane, I seek to emulate a puff (fee) daddy,
(albeit with spindleshanks for legs),
the laughing stock of mankind,
no more muscular since being a wee little laddie.

Euphoria and joie de vivre harkened
likened to when angels sing
nsync with me, a yankee doodle dandy
IF freshly washed golden locks
fluff up like cotton candy
other disgruntlement arises
spurring yours truly to drown sorrows
courtesy one hundred proof brandy.

E'er since being a little
extremely shy (viz introverted) boy
a boot deux and half score years ago
bullies threatened de facto scapegoat
mine self esteem they did thoroughly destroy
e'en little Lord Fauntleroy
complicit as well every other goy,

thus yours truly wished
he could transform himself into Donald Hoy
(offspring courtesy large family once resident
within Arcola, Pennsylvania)
whose hairstyle I envied
and felt within lovely bones (mine) joy
could be experienced if some abracadabra ploy
would render our bodies switched.

Nowadays aforementioned scene
once read about in popular science 'zine
state of the art medical breakthrough quite routine
synonymous with waving magic wand
easily mastered courtesy run of the mill teen
ideal way to pick up (i.e. earn) extra green,
especially helpful during
2020 holiday season dulled sheen

courtesy COVID-19 pandemic,
no matter impossible mission
to wipe away mean
coronavirus bugaboos that cannot be seen
with naked eye, under microscope
spiky cell appears quite keen,
nay mesmerizing evidencing
articulated exotic pristine
innocuous fantastic characteristics.

Rather then kvetch concerning balding patch
finasteride, (a 5α-reductase inhibitor)
down the gullet and pharynx hatch,
whereby upon shiny skull appears thatch
e'en Samson would be envious unable to match
profuse locks of love,
and Delilah would find herself
in tug of war match.