Larry’s Holiday Twits II

Q. What is Jewish Foreplay?

A. One hour of begging.

Q. How do you tell who the Groom is at a Polish wedding?

A. He’s the only one wearing a clean bowling shirt.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Tonto, not knowing that the Lone Ranger was described as a door, shot off his knob.

Number one on the Best Seller List in China this month is, “The Ruptured Chinaman”, by Wun Hung Lo.

Q. What did the stripper say when she got her first paycheck?

A. I’m “barely” making it.

Q. What does Mrs. Claus give Santa every Christmas Day?

A. No, you dirty minded people.  She gives him a nap.

Q. What was Santa’s profession before he moved to the North Pole?

A. He was a Chimney Sweep.

Q. How did Mickey get Minnie to marry him?

A. He set a mousetrap.

A very embarrassed teacher farts loudly in front of her fourth grade class.  Looking for a scapegoat, she says, “Johnny, would you stop that”.  He replies, “Sure Miss Nutter, what row is it coming down?”

A handsome well-tanned man walks into a bar, lays down two one hundred dollar bills, and tells the bartender, “Round of drinks for everybody, you keep the change”.  No sooner does he get them all poured, when a little man runs the length of the bar and kicks them all over.  The handsome man lays down two more hundreds, and says, “Pay no attention to him, set them up again.”  No sooner does the bartender get them poured, when the little man kicks them all over again.  The bartender asks, “Would you mind telling me what’s going on here”.  The man replies, “Two months ago, I found a lamp on the beach.  I rubbed it, and out came a Genie, granting me three wishes.  The first, I wished for health.  I’m so healthy I don’t even sneeze.  The second, I wished for wealth.  Every morning, there is more money on my table than I could ever spend.  The third, I wished for a twelve inch prick, and there goes that little bastard now.”