Life Sentence
Lost love the cost
Kidnapped from birthĀ
no ransom letter left
hostage to this lifeĀ
Missing since day one
no reward letter leftĀ
gone from this worldĀ
My earliest memories
still hold me captiveĀ
buried deep within my mindĀ
Years of torture
not always in theĀ form
of physical painĀ
Years of struggleĀ
a diverse combinationĀ
a ton of mental strainĀ
A lifetime of sorrowĀ held within theĀ memory bank
of this battered brainĀ
Yet I remain calmĀ
pretending not to be lostĀ
hid within my own world
Surrounded by false wallsĀ
over the many yearsĀ
my subconcious builtĀ
Survival modeĀ
has always been
the main mindsetĀ
Certain daysĀ
the walls were closerĀ
than othersĀ
A few timesĀ
they seemed likeĀ
they were gonna cave inĀ
To say I find comfortĀ
within my mental confinement
is an understatement
It is all I have ever knownĀ
since that day I was takenĀ
since that day I was bornĀ
PS: Jennifer I still miss you and I'm glad you found the courage to leave me alone
Within these walls, within my world, a soul as pure as yours has no place beingĀ
I wish I could escape and you could see me before the pain and experience the real meĀ
But within these walls, I call home, regardless the turmoil that comes with the comfortĀ
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Sincerely, RobĀ
Ā
Like 4 Pin it 1
Support CosmoFunnel.com
You can help support the upkeep of CosmoFunnel.com via PayPal.
Comments
Awww...as I read this I feel overwhelming sadness. Don't give in to the darkness Rob. Don't let those shadows consume you. Find that sunshine, my friend, and bask in it so that another Jennifer can be let in in the future. Hugs x
I do t look at it as though im giving into the darkness , i used to think that though. I now see it as accepting the reality and the reality is I am a victim to a bad childhood and due to that made programs and defense mechanisms and regardless of how hard i try to break those patterns , im never successful because its who i am, its in my D.N.A .Ā I have tried and ive been able to readon with my self drawn conclusions but never able to quit the second guessing and questioning . When you arent capable of trusting tge ones you should be able to without a doubt then it makes it hard to trist anyone and we all know thats the foundation to any healthy relationship . Im flawed and its sonething im learming to accept . Who i am is who i am , i cant pretend to not be him and if i manage itll only be a matter of time before i show my true identity . Im not a bad person and im a genuine , compassionate guy but if i feel threatened i will close myself within my walls and defemd at all costs and its not fair to any Jennifer of the world :/Ā
Ā
Hello Rob, this is such a heartbreaking read, because of your clever wording throughout. You truly took me through the carnage. I really liked the metaphor of walls that sometimes feel as though they are closing in. I totally get that sensation. It is hard to escape the downs sometimes. I agree with Tina though. Allow that light in and allow yourself to embrace that happy light. Because you deserve to be happy just as much as Jennifer does. Somewhere out there your happy waits for youĀ
Gwen x
Just because we deserve to be doesnt mean we are capable , its the sad reality .Ā
Very true, many of us fall short of happiness. Still it is deserved and I hope one day you can find itĀ
I will in my son , his future and the future of his legacy , i was born to sufferĀ
Rob I was just like that for a while, all I focused on was my boy. Didn't feel worthy of happiness in any other form. I Hope in time it changes. But I understand that feeling. And right nowĀ no one can change the way you feel. So enjoy your son and just allow life to naturally progress. But am sorry you were not meant to suffer. No one ever is. That's a negative space you are currently in. It's a hard place to climb out of. I hope you can. But I know right now you probably can't see that ever happening. Self loathing is a hard place to climb out of. But you are a good person and worthy of good things. Maybe your son will help you feel that good in you. However life runs, I hope one day you are in a happier heads space xĀ
I understand what you mean and maybe i came off dramatic but what i mean is , i truly dont believe im capable of making a woman happy based on my mental issues , but i know that im capable of being a good father and making sure my son has the support necessary i didnt have and i find that fufilling , so i am focusing my life on him and the happiness he brings me , with intentions he can be the answer to the future and a solution to the generational trauma . I said suffering because i want to be in a normal relationship but i dont believe its possible in terms of love .Ā
this is a mirror to our souls, to only imagine this destiny and road to a final destination...
good write....x