Poem -

Linda The Shoplifter

Linda The Shoplifter

I have to tell you a funny story, that happened just yesterday;
It started in a grocery line, while we were waiting there to pay!
Linda said “I forgot to bring their rewards card, I left it in the car”;
“I’m going to run and get it, for I don’t have to go too far”!

.
I watched as she ran out the exit, then noticed a little glitch;
An Earthbag filled with groceries, on her shoulder still was hitched!
I told the people standing near me, about what had just occurred;
The cashier laughed very loudly, as I said “I hope they don’t arrest her”!

.
When she ran in a moment later, we all had smiles upon our face;
I said “You forgot to leave the groceries, before you ran out of this place”!
She looked at the bag still dangling, said “Oh gosh, what did I do”?
I said “Honey, you almost shoplifted, you’re lucky they didn’t prosecute you”!

.
.
                                  Honey please listen
                          The next time you need pilfer
                                 Steal a kiss from me

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Comments

author
Nine Eleven

I remember my first job, a local shopping centre in ballyfermot, Co Dublin. It was around Christmas time, I was standing near the cash register chatting to my boss when a few Romania gypsys came in, the men came straight over to us and started to talk very loudly, they where distracting us, I leaned to one side and saw a Gypsy woman take a frozen turkey from the freezer and put it up her skirt and just walk out. It was the craziest thing I'd seen.  Very funny poem Larry.

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author
Larry Ran

Hi Gerard,

In the U.S. we have a saying which would have been perfect for this situation.  You should have "Flipped her the bird", which translates to giving her the finger.  That way, you could have killed two birds with one stone, the first, insulting her, and the second, "fingering her", which in the U.S. is a term for turning someone into the police.  We have the same problems with Gypsies here.  Many are nothing more than lowdown thieves.

Thank you for your humorous story.

Peace and Love,
Larry xxx

Reply
author
Larry Ran

Thank you John.  It felt good to write some humor again.

Peace and Love,
Larry xxx

Reply
author
Tony Taylor

Hey LARRY!!.... this is freakin' hysterical!!..... I've known several people to do this..... and two of them were my sisters!! LOL!!..... the haiku at the end was the perfect touch!!...... I've missed you my friend... so glad you're back..... I'll be sending you a P.M. soon!!......LOVE and ROCKETS!!....,T xo ?✳✴☀♥?

Reply
author
Larry Ran

My Dear Brother Tony,

I've missed you too!  I'm back in a limited way, because Linda can only allot me so much time for Cosmo now.  Are these "sisters" siblings, or are they "Nuns" from a church you were associated with?  Ha, Ha!!

Thanks for the wonderful comment.  Looking forward to your P.M.

Peace, Love and Rockets,
Larry xxx

Reply
author
Jason Brown

Larry, my dear friend...
This all seems very suspicious...Funny!!...but very suspicious. It's almost as though you're putting a high gloss on a premeditated crime which went somewhat awry!?!

Here's an alternative version, which I believe may be closer to the truth...

A wily shoplifter called "L"
Had a plan just as clear as a bell
She'd gone off with the swag
In a crafty Earthbag
But her partner-in-crime couldn't tell!!

Well?! Have I finally exposed the Bonnie & Clyde of Ohio?!? I rather think so.

Your account is hilarious...and the haiku is Vintage Larry. My love to "L".

your friend & fan,
J ;)

Reply
author
Larry Ran

                                         
                                                He Caught Me
An Irish Sherlock Holmes I know
Has deftly solved the crime
I tried to place the blame on her
But the idea was surely mine

.
It was me forgot the grocery card
As I sent her on her way
And I knew that if she was "lifting" caught
I'd not be the one to pay

.
But all is well that ends so well
My secret just known by one
But if he decides to turn me in
From the Gendarmes I'll need run
.
Sherlock, I'll be your friend forever if you cut me some slack

 

Reply
author
Jason Brown

Larry, my dear friend...

I'll never be some
Scotland Yard 'jack-in-office'
I've got your back, Clyde

your friend & confidante,
SH {My love to Bonnie xxx}

Reply
author
Larry Ran

My Dear Friend Jason,

I was more worried about there being an "Irish Yard", and I'd have to spend time in a prison yard!   But, Bonnie and I should have known that we could "bank" on your support.

Burglars and Bullets ,
Bonnie and Clyde
 

Reply
author
Lorna

Hi Larry,
Left the grocery card in the car!!! hmm a likely story
hahahaha, Brilliant 
Her crime spree began
In stealth made her exit ~ Why
return to the scene?
All my love 
Lorna
xxx 

 

 

Reply
author
Larry Ran

My Dear Lorna,

For her honest face
Her reputation at stake
Saved by the truth

All my love,
Larry xxx
 

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