Losing sight in the darkness

Each day passes in a blink of an eye, 
And I'm still so consumed  by my sadness, but why does it always come across as insane madness. 
Of all the things I could of done away from my life I tired to run. 
Never have I ever given up on hope even though I live on a slippery slope of mental illness and dope. 
I never thought I'd lose my family bond I always thought you'd be here through the good and when shit went wrong. 
I miss there laughter and joy but not when I was a handful they were always annoyed. 
I wish we could still share,  I wish you all were around and still cared.
more time alone the less I'm starting to share,
I still wrap myself up in your favorite flannel you use to wear. 
Seems like forever since we've all been together in one room, 
Empty birthdays and forgotten seasons has left my heart cold and almost lifeless I've been left in a forever crises. 
I'm not giving excuses to my behavior, but I am providing the reasons I live in a California season.
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