Love you, Kitten

You know, i worry about romantic love too much.
I obsess, pine, wonder, and fret.
I try so hard, and yet, there are times,
times when I... When I find no one.
No one to love like that, and I feel sad,
I cry and lay on the ground and wait,
wait for the tears to stop.
I just wait for someone to love me, and then,
like magic, In he toddles.
My little big cat, such an oddball.
He's not a cynical and emotionless ja***ss,
like some cats, but he's a ball of fur and fun.
He always knows when I'm hurting.
And he... he'll just plop down beside my face,
paw around me eyes, no claws,
and roll over so I can pet his tummy.
Like a little puppy, but more cuteness.
And we play together, he and I.
Like we did since he was born.
I held him when he was no bigger than my thumb,
he was so tiny and fragile.
I loved him immediately, the little thing.
He was so tiny.
I remember the day he opened his eyes.
He looked right at me. The first time.
Sometimes, I wonder... Why I was the first.
Why he would open his little eyes while He was there,
when he was nestled in my hand,
nibbling on my thumb with his little teeth.
He just stopped for a moment,
turned his head to my crooning voice,
and opened those bright green eyes.
And the day he started waddling and scooting,
he scooted right over to my feet.
Like a little freight train,
he chugga-chooed my way.
And looked up at me, he stretched,
his little paws clawing my ankles,
and then he fell over.
I doubt I've ever laughed that hard.
I hadn't laughed like that in a long time.
Hadn't smiled in a long time.
Two years... I had no one.
And then he plopped sideways,
onto the floor.
And between laughing and crying,
I picked him up and snuggled him against my cheek.
He just meewed and pawed my nose.
Eyes on mine like he was trying to tell me something.
He never left me. Even when I went to school,
he would mew at me when I left,
and wait by the windowsill until I got home.
He would actually hop onto my shoulders when I came in,
and just sit there like a little parrot.
I used to hate coming into my empty room,
every one of my broken memories,
but... With him waiting, I actually looked forward to it.
He made me want to come home,
to lay down on my bed,
and watch him swat my glasses and nose.
 He kept me from thinking about it,
the person that was missing from my life.
He helped me not think about her.
I loved that little cat for that.
My little De Gama,
our explorer.
We had six, originally.
One Calico,
One Gray,
One Tabby,
One Spotted,
One Vasco de Gama,
and his brother,
Ponce de Leon.
The black twins, the explorers.
The day came when they were big enough,
the day to give them away,
and I felt really empty,
Like I was losing someone again.
But then they came home that day,
No one wanted the black cats,
Bad luck, they said.
So Vasco and Leon came home to us.
Leon was attached to my brother,
But Vasco was all mine.
I snuggled the little kitten that day,
watched him leap out of the carrier,
And run over to me, jumping onto my shoulder.
His little claws hurt as he scrambled up my shirt,
but I was too happy to care.
Loved that little kitty.
He would never leave me, no matter what.
He stayed with me , always there.
Even later that year, Christmas break,
when I was too lost to live.
He meowed when I took him off of my shoulder,
And looked at me strange when I went into my room,
and collapsed onto the bed, closing the door.
Smart cat learned a neat trick that day.
I heard little claws scratching, and pushing,
and then the door miraculously cracked open.
And in peeked a little black head.
And it meowed triumphantly and jumped onto my bed.
Cautiously, like he didn't know what to do,
He just padded across, pawed at my tears,
and then laid down beside me,
nuzzling his head against my hand.
I patted him, and he wrapped his body around my arm,
and started nibbling on my thumb again.
His playful little nibbles made me giggle,
even though I was trying not to,
I was like being tickled. He would bite,
And then look at me,
and lick over the spot.
It was like pins and needles,
followed by a sandpaper treatment.
I tried to will myself to push him off,
but I couldn't. The way he looked at me,
his eyes just begging for forgiveness.
And of course, I just stayed still.
Until he left to go get food.
And he just stared at me,
seemingly saying in his head,
"Stay Still, human, I shall return."
And I laughed imagining his voice.
He stayed with me the whole two weeks.
Little devil never let me cry.
He would look at me seriously,
Disapproval in his little eyes,
and start nibbling viciously.
And every week after,
If I cried, he would find me,
Disapprove, and nibble me.
Even when he became too big to be a kitten,
when He was already a big cat.
He still just walks in and attacks me.
And yet...
I feel like,
even if I don;t have someone to love,
this little person to care for and be cared for.
He is my little person.
A personality of his own.
And I always feel something with him.
A different kind of love.
Maybe a better kind of love.
My best friend, who will never leave me.
I love you, my kitten.
And I always will.