Magic, Wanted

I laughed with chaos on my lips
There were races like that
In the books I read
Maybe one more day here
Then maybe
I’ll go somewhere else 
Somewhere new 
And exciting
With Magic that 
Fills your veins
That feel so empty here in
This place of cold 
You’re depressed 
Says the internet and my old Therapist
Mom just smiles
A place of demons and gas lamps
Or open sky’s and wings
Or maybe Ancient Greece
Because this world was once magical
But that was so very long ago
I’m screaming that I want to escape
No one hears me
I’ve gotten too good at hiding it
I want a place where I can
Fight and kill
Inflict the pain I feel on those who
Hurt others
Bite an apple and
Have it bleed red down my chin
Stark against my pale skin
Reflecting in the moonlight
She’s compulsively lying
Just trying to make this world more adventurous 
Live right now, you know? 
You’re gonna end up in some Pshyc ward 
Locked away, wasting money 
On more drugs then you can count
Why does the fire on the candle wick
Enchant me so? 
I can’t touch it
But if I step through my door 
At the right strike of the clock
That we haven’t got
It’ll dance at my finger tips 
And turn water into steam 
I’m writing poems today
No one cares 
Poets are useless today 
A dying breed 
A boring skill
I can make magic out of words,
I protest
No one cares 
Narnia’s in the 19th century trunk
Downstairs
That I made up stories about 
When we moved
When my parents divorced 
My brother and I will be remembered 
Him as the father of modern (our future) science
Someone ‘ill beat him to it
Me as the spy who toppled a regime 
Or saved a President 
Although maybe not
Maybe the sniper was just too good
Maybe someone got in my way
There’s magic in our world 
They insist
In where? I asked
In the air you can’t push through your lungs?
The divide that singles an end?
Which you would recognize 
In its blaze of glory, 
Hatred
Sin
If you bothered to pay attention in history class
It’s there, just look a little deeper 
I have, that’s why I know you’re lying 
And that why I want to leave
Dive so deep into our ocean
That if,
When
I surface,
A pirate ship sails towards me with a fishing net and
My sisters save me
Fall asleep and wake up with pointed ears
And immortality 
Her heart’s stopped twice now
I don’t know know if she can save herself... 
Again
This world just doesn’t interest her
Didn’t anyone see it? 
Don’t worry Mom and Dad and Friends and Brother dearest 
I’ve found home
The sun shines so bright
Its never cold
And Magic is made
In our hands, 
Beneath our feet
In the ruins 
And with a glint of a blade
And a roar from a mighty beast
I’ll find magic
In my peace
But is there peace in death, 
Or dark nothingness?
Will I lock myself out of heaven with 
These pills 
Or were they razors? 
Let me walk between worlds 
That overflow with life
And gods
And deserts 
And music  
With one thought 
And a little pixie dust
I’ll see a ship
Climb aboard, and come back later
Does magic make it?
Or does the tick of machinery?
Will gold fall off my wrist 
Or does Hell shine in the fire of a candle?
Magic is what I wanted 
But it was never supposed to look like this