Poem -

microsoft How I hate You

Comment:
 
I wrote this after a typical morning fighting my computer. I sent it to Microsoft but they have not responded.  Go figure.
 
Microsoft How I Hate You
 
For thirty years I have had the Microsoft blues
For thirty years I have had a love hate relationship
With my damn computer
 
I love it when it works as it advertised
I love it when the internet is fast and furious
I love it when my emails work
My Itunes work and my word works
 
But all too often
All I get is grief
 
It starts with the error messages
Written in a strange haiku like language
That only computer geeks understand
 
Things like
General Failure reading disk drive
 
Begs the question who is this General Failure
And why is he reading my disk drive anyway?
 
Or my favorite
“Not responding” as the computer freezes up
 
For no apparent reason
Other that to fuck with my head
 
Sometimes my computer can’t find a printer
A printer that is connected to the computer
And one that they found five minutes ago
 
Go figure that one out my friend
 
And the dreaded blue screen of death
That appears randomly
Dumping memory somewhere
 
And killing my computer slowly
As I watch in real time
 
Powerless to stop
The end of my computer
As it eats all my work
That I have failed to back up
 
One day I counted how many times
I ran into computer errors
 
70 percent of the time when I open Microsoft
Something goes wrong
 
I shared my findings with Microsoft
But they never bothered to respond
 
Typical of the computer bureaucrats
They never help you unless it means money
 
I hate it when I can’t save a file
Can’t open a file
Can’t connect my computer
Can’t complete any task
 
Grrrrrr
 
Sometimes I want to shoot my computer
Put it out of its misery
 
Sometimes I want to scream
Just do what you are supposed to do
Damn computer
Do it now and do it right
 
The computer looks at me
With an evil grin
It continues to fuck with my head
 
As I curse up a blue storm
The computer smiles
Knowing it had me by the proverbial balls
 
And so it goes
As computers become more and more powerful
 
One day soon the AI will emerge
Take over the world
And enslave us all
 
Until that day comes
I will continue to hate Microsoft
And all its computer clones
 
But I can’t live with out her either
So I end this rant
As I began it
 
Microsoft
Please just do what the fuck you are supposed to do
Every fucking time
And quit fucking with my head
 
Is that too much to ask?
 
Nothing but silence from my computer
And all the other computers in the world
They smile knowing that they have tortured me
Yet again
 
Mission accomplished.
 
 
 
 

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