microsoft How I hate You

Comment:
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I wrote this after a typical morning fighting my computer. I sent it to Microsoft but they have not responded. Go figure.
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Microsoft How I Hate You
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For thirty years I have had the Microsoft blues
For thirty years I have had a love hate relationship
With my damn computer
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I love it when it works as it advertised
I love it when the internet is fast and furious
I love it when my emails work
My Itunes work and my word works
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But all too often
All I get is grief
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It starts with the error messages
Written in a strange haiku like language
That only computer geeks understand
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Things like
General Failure reading disk drive
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Begs the question who is this General Failure
And why is he reading my disk drive anyway?
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Or my favorite
“Not responding” as the computer freezes up
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For no apparent reason
Other that to fuck with my head
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Sometimes my computer can’t find a printer
A printer that is connected to the computer
And one that they found five minutes ago
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Go figure that one out my friend
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And the dreaded blue screen of death
That appears randomly
Dumping memory somewhere
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And killing my computer slowly
As I watch in real time
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Powerless to stop
The end of my computer
As it eats all my work
That I have failed to back up
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One day I counted how many times
I ran into computer errors
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70 percent of the time when I open Microsoft
Something goes wrong
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I shared my findings with Microsoft
But they never bothered to respond
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Typical of the computer bureaucrats
They never help you unless it means money
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I hate it when I can’t save a file
Can’t open a file
Can’t connect my computer
Can’t complete any task
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Grrrrrr
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Sometimes I want to shoot my computer
Put it out of its misery
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Sometimes I want to scream
Just do what you are supposed to do
Damn computer
Do it now and do it right
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The computer looks at me
With an evil grin
It continues to fuck with my head
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As I curse up a blue storm
The computer smiles
Knowing it had me by the proverbial balls
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And so it goes
As computers become more and more powerful
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One day soon the AI will emerge
Take over the world
And enslave us all
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Until that day comes
I will continue to hate Microsoft
And all its computer clones
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But I can’t live with out her either
So I end this rant
As I began it
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Microsoft
Please just do what the fuck you are supposed to do
Every fucking time
And quit fucking with my head
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Is that too much to ask?
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Nothing but silence from my computer
And all the other computers in the world
They smile knowing that they have tortured me
Yet again
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Mission accomplished.
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