My 40th Therapy

I’m not tryingÂ
to be difficult
butÂ
I am difficult.
I don’t feel likeÂ
I’m choosingÂ
to be that wayÂ
butÂ
I am that way.Â
MaybeÂ
I’m justÂ
not help able.Â
I find it hardÂ
to believe,Â
to envisage a different life,Â
a different way of being.Â
I liveÂ
insideÂ
my own head. Â
My 40 storyÂ
has left meÂ
stuck. Â
I’ve come to the end.Â
The road isÂ
no more.Â
It’s over.Â
It didn’t work.Â
What I fearedÂ
is nowÂ
reality
so,Â
what do I do?Â
Carry on;
start a new storyÂ
orÂ
give up completely?
If you don’t knowÂ
where you’re goingÂ
you’re not goingÂ
to get there.Â
You will remain stuck.Â
Now this storyÂ
has reached its endÂ
I don’t knowÂ
what to do,Â
how to be,Â
to feel. Â
What now?

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