My 40th Therapy

I’m not trying 
to be difficult
but 
I am difficult.
I don’t feel like 
I’m choosing 
to be that way 
but 
I am that way. 
Maybe 
I’m just 
not help able. 
I find it hard 
to believe, 
to envisage a different life, 
a different way of being. 
I live 
inside 
my own head.  
My 40 story 
has left me 
stuck.  
I’ve come to the end. 
The road is 
no more. 
It’s over. 
It didn’t work. 
What I feared 
is now 
reality
so, 
what do I do? 
Carry on;
start a new story 
or 
give up completely?
If you don’t know 
where you’re going 
you’re not going 
to get there. 
You will remain stuck. 
Now this story 
has reached its end 
I don’t know 
what to do, 
how to be, 
to feel.  
What now?