My 40th Therapy

I’m not trying
to be difficult
but
I am difficult.
I don’t feel like
I’m choosing
to be that way
but
I am that way.
Maybe
I’m just
not help able.
I find it hard
to believe,
to envisage a different life,
a different way of being.
I live
inside
my own head.
My 40 story
has left me
stuck.
I’ve come to the end.
The road is
no more.
It’s over.
It didn’t work.
What I feared
is now
reality
so,
what do I do?
Carry on;
start a new story
or
give up completely?
If you don’t know
where you’re going
you’re not going
to get there.
You will remain stuck.
Now this story
has reached its end
I don’t know
what to do,
how to be,
to feel.
What now?

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