My Pee Pee Ticket

(circa March 2, 2006)

On the drive home from 
my birthday party,
I dropped off my finance
at her parents by 
Sterling Forest NY,
home of the Renaissance Fair.

I felt the urge to pee,
but I thought I could make 
the half hour drive
to Hewitt to relieve myself.

At Route 17A and Route 17
meet near Harriman State Park.
I pull over by the bus stop
at the bottom of the mountain
and go in the woods to pee.
At this point, it is almost dark.

I get in my car, and motor to
stop sign, when a car passes me,
makes a U-turn and flies up 
behind me and puts on the 
red flashing lights.

A young officer walks up to my
window and demands,
"What did you do back there?"

I say,  "Officer,  first I would like 
to say,  it is my birthday today.  
Look at my drivers license and
the birthday gifts in my back seat."

"Secondly,  I had to urinate,
and I took a wiz in the woods."

The young officer's eyes widen.
"That is a violation of code xyz,
section 123 AND I COULD TAKE
YOU BEFORE THE JUDGE RIGHT NOW!"

In my mind I think,
"If I get arrested for this,
I will have to inform my Principal
and the Superintendent's office
I was arrested for public urination."

I say the the Southfield's Officer,
"Officer,  I am a hunter.
I hunt on this very mountain.
Where do you think the animals 
relive themselves?
Where do you think the hunters
and hikers relieve themselves?"

The cop says, "Oh,  a wise guy!
Let me call my Lieutenent!"

I seat in my car sweating,
hoping to not get arrested, 
and having to report this to 
my work supervisors.

He comes back and says,
"I just got an emergency
call - you lucked out pal!
Next time use a gasoline 
station bathroom!"

I say,  "Yes sir!"

It was one of
my favorite
birthday gifts
ever.