No truths

I cannot support an ending were the lie grew from the start, this twisted spear of relevance left a splinter in my heart
Some days I feel my worth and on others I feel the less, 3 and a half years of murky waters but now you dictate whats for the best
I tried to understand you, walk a mile in your shoes, I did not make it half the way before my feet began to bruise
I struggle to accept realities, no truths have left me numb, green mist brings me small clarity but still the demons won’t be over come
You chose to live your lie, your own happiness you sacrificed, I didn’t ask for any of that yet still paid an equal price
I do not long or pine for you in a loving kind of way but even up until today I still deserve my say
You cried on the shoulders of demons even though the angels took you in, could have swam in a sea of redemption but instead you bathed in sin
I will never play the innocent, perfection is not a part of me, there are times that I am not proud of and for those times the blame resides with me
I never wanted extra, the norm was all I ever craved, deceptions tainted sanity, no love returned but still I stayed
Sometimes I wished you misery, on the nights I cried in pain, they say that times a healer but i’ll pass if all the same
You gave me what I thought was love but turned out to be a spell, then locked the door and threw the key and watched me burn in hell
I hold on to your pillow, the faintest scent of you remains, id hold on to the memories to but real or fake their all the same
I often think of the weeks when the flowers stayed on the floor and then I remember the shrieks when I tried to stroke your face once more
I felt just like medusa from the warmth of your embrace, even to get a cuddle I felt I invaded your personal space
You said you didn’t recognise the person I become but how is it I was supposed to act when your lies became undone
Now I become the monster because I lashed out in my despair, but I guess that’s what you get when you fake the words forever there
I can forgive for almost everything, maybe even wish you well but I cannot forgive nor understand why it was your hand that pushed me when I fell
It must have been so hard for you to live an endless lie, but why give me the insecurities when excuses had run dry
You knew that I was breaking between the 1st year and the 3rd, you sat and reassured me that my gut feelings were absurd, you promised so much effort, every time you swore you would change and now because of your betrayal I will forever wear these chains.
I know now I am nothing more to you than a segment from your past and if you ever think of me I bet no more than a second does it last. 
There is just one more thing that I must say before I go, maybe to you it has no relevance but its something you should know
The world, it can be scary and it makes many feel alone, you can go from having everything to barely having a home
The material is gospel in the age of a tweeting bird, billions of voices spanning continents, how can only one be heard 
Age will bring you wisdom and pain will make you learn, hope can lead to laughter, but love can make you burn
Truths will make you lie while guilt will make you fall, sometimes without conformability there is no one you can call
If ever you are deep down in the depths of your despair, and you turn to find the ones who promised, no longer seem to care and that flickering of light becomes dimmer by the day, 
Just know there is one voice in a billion whos name you can always say.