Read All About It

Paper open, fear inside,

3 dead, their sure it's homicide.

I turn the page I must read on,

the papers never get things wrong.

"Extra extra........................... SNOW"

Why so dramatic??? I don't know.

“No trains will run, don't go outside,

A man once slipped on ice and died.

Giant snowflakes set to fall,

so big they'll surely kill us all."

I turn the page,

"Extra extra COCA COCA KILLS."

Startled I jump, my coke can spills.

“Full fat coke is certain death.......”

I'll just drink diet coke instead.

“Extra extra DIET COKE WORSE THEN FULL FAT”

Noooo, I stop and read it back,

no wonder I'm a hypochondriac.

Don't drink, don't smoke, don't eat you'll choke,

No cheese, no milk, no bread, no coke.

City living, climate change, being too forgiving, being strange,

Air pollution, broken hearts, revolution, diesel cars.

Caffeine, curry, Stress, worry,

Coffee, tea, Big macs, Mcflurry.

Ya morning slice of burnt toast,

To any type of Sunday roast.

Depression, frustration, obsession, elation.

Diarrhoea, constipation,

Sex toys, pleasure, porno mags,

pickles, pizza, plastic bags.

Burgers, biscuits, bubble baths,

Bottle feeding, breast implants.

Carbohydrates, pasta, rice,

Pork, potatoes, too much spice

All these things cause early death,

Too fat, too thin, to lack of breath.....

Read on, the boring showbiz page

Reality stars who got engaged,

Rapes and murders, terror acts,

Gruesome, bloody, sickening facts.

I close the paper filled with dread...

Fuck it, I'm going back to bed.