relapse

I let it painfully consume me
Inside my head it swirls around
Until my body has enough 
I crash and break onto the ground
I don’t tend to ask for help
I prefer to help others around me
They think I’m doing fine
But underneath they can’t see

My body feels disgusting 
My head is a mess
I keep telling myself I need to try
I need to do my absolute best
But it’s hard

I went back to old habits
Of wanting to inflict harm upon myself
I was so close
But something went of in my mind
It whispered
“ please don’t”
I wanted to feel something, anything
Good or bad
Just to escape this constant feeling
Of being angry or being sad

I need help
But I’m scared for the journey ahead
I’m scared no one will truly understand 
The thoughts that rush through my head