Relapse

There’s this girl I know and her name is Crystal,
Her hypnotic allure had me willing and wistful.

Roll a bowl, exhale the crystalline smoke,

Need a bigger high, a new love affair awoke,

Adrenaline pumping, pounding heart, a needle held by sweaty shaky hands,

Anticipation and excitement overwhelmed by the body’s demands.

Belt tie off and pumping fist,

Bulging veins ready to indulge this tryst.

The needle piercing the skin is welcome, even the sting,

Pull back and blood floods through, ready to push the poison and the pleasure it will bring.

The rush, crystal invades you throughout with her icy seduction,

You slump over in ecstasy elating the senses from the the warmth in all its perfection.

10 seconds of pleasure followed by hours of speeding,

You keep chasing the rush and the affair with the needle keeps repeating.

Fun at first but sleepless nights bring bloodshot eyes,

Pounding heart as body heat multiplies.

Fog sets in and reality slips away,

The mind struggles to keep up this foray.

Irresponsible unreliability cause job loss and no home to return to,

Caught up in the meth nightlife a new me emerged with a street life view.

Good Mommy with a kind heart no more,

Caring for them became a burden and chore.

To grandparents they went, I didn’t see or call for weeks,

I had a new life living in a car surrounded by tweaks.

Broken promises and trust lost,

Traumatized children of a broken Mother become the greatest cost,

The cost is great but I didn’t feel,

I was numb to empathy and continued to manipulate, lie and steal.

5 steps forward and 3 steps back,

An impending train wreck awaits as I veer off track.

Two months of sobriety derailed 3 times,

I’m knocked back as my addiction climbs.

Minor setbacks are greeted with an old solution to numb the pain,

I’m fearfully close to plunging a needle back in my vein.

Invaded by thoughts that one more time would be alright,

I fearfully attempt to ignore and disregard but slowly tire from the fight.

In an instant it happens although I cannot recall the moment I had succumb,

With little notice I took a turn off the path from which I had come.