ruins

ruins.
you left me in ruins.
i vaguely remember a time when i felt as though our souls were intertwined. it was us, and the world. us and oblivion; us, and the inevitable.
but it was always us. 
it didn’t matter what was on the other end, it was us; you told me it was fucking us.
you started becoming distant. 
you denied this, of course. and so did i, for a long time. 
you don’t know how much more it hurts when the other person is seemingly oblivious. 
you acted as if i was following a transparent line of doubt. as if it was never there at all.
you don’t know how much more that hurt. to think that i was imagining it. to think that i was questioning a good thing & ruining it all on my own. 
you were fading, quicker than before, and i smiled. 
i had to.
maybe i thought it would keep you from leaving, maybe i tried to remind you why you stayed.
regardless, i had to smile. 
i wanted to believe we were okay. i crafted a lie so perfectly that i began to believe it myself.
i felt helpless.
how could i continue to fight when you insisted there wasn’t a battle. 
it was clear as day.
i was afraid if i said anything more you would agree with me. 
i smiled until you left.
i almost wish you still convinced me otherwise. 
i wish you would insist that it was still us.