Sincerely, Hely

                   You don't know that I cried for the whole month of December, and that the bathroom floor in this horrid hotel room became my second bedroom and how every memory suddenly came back to haunt me. I didn't finish mourning you okay? I replay those same conversations over and over and over..like a broken record player because that's one of the very few places I get to see you and I feel alive. At one point I did want it to be you, but when  I saw you as the moon? You saw me as one of your stars. You were afraid of commitment and I? I was afraid that I wasn't worthy enough to have your commitment. I just want you to know that I didn't walk away because I didn't care. I walked away because I grew tired of trying to show you my worth & I'm not a project.
                  Making amends with you was something I knew I wanted, but when I said I was okay with being alone? I lied. When you said my voice sounded deeper...its because I just got done crying, and I  couldn't allow you to know that. The thought of you sleeping with other people still hurts.. even though it shouldn't and its not my problem anymore.
I hope that when the new year comes; we grow as people and going to places we used to go to doesn't hurt as much. I hope I stop crying and the pain eases a little. I hope that when I run into you again i'm able to smile and wave..I hope you smile and wave too. I hope my chest stops hurting. My heart hearts..............
Don't worry, i'm okay...Just incase you read this one too............