Smoke Screen

I bought a pack of cigarettes today, 

even though I quit. 

I smoked one after another, 

watching the smoke disappear into the night sky. 

I hid behind my past, 

so my future can not find me.  

I trace my scars with my finger tips, 

so I won’t forget where I've been. 

I pull away, when you try to hug me. 

I say I’m fine, 

I want to be alone, 

I don’t want to talk. 

Sometime I lie for no reason. 

I keep my memories locked away in my mind, 

and endlessly watch them over and over,like an old movie.

I used to think I was afraid of getting hurt. 

I’m really afraid of being happy, 

happiness can be taken away, 

and that scares me more than anything.