Some Rainy Day

Unmade

I lack what once I clung to, the snakes crawl through the falling rain and the gladiators cover themselves in blood as they go into their final battle.
I lack what once I clung to, these dreams flicker on and off, almost as if they were echoing through the tiny slits of existence.
I crawl on my knees with alcohol burning my stomach, I raise my hands towards the sky and beg for freedom, for my true darkness, for the ticket to the dance, for the light which Prometheus stole.
I lack what once I clung to, this unauthentic smile that my body forces upon my face to please others, bothers me, I am not happy but having said that I am also not sad.
I fear that I’m stuck in limbo, I fear that the night brings roses and dead ravens, I fear that my madness is beyond my control, I fear but all at once I don’t fear.
There is no sense to any of this, the fishes flop around the tile floor until befalling the fate of existence beyond existence.
I am like that fish in my troubles, the dance continues and all I can do is watch it unfold.

The Last Bits of Candle Light

2 years of less and less light, the small cut is made to the gut till all blood is drained and filtered. There doesn’t seem to be anyone else, I talk to the animals about chaos, they scream a primal scream and I laugh with no control.
This last bit of light is the last bit of humanity which I own, beyond this, raw darkness. The shadows have lately been more chatty, one of the long shadows with red eyes told me about a field of flowers that spans the entire universe, he says that god created it and now he is doomed to tend to it for all of eternity, he says that every flower is a drop of blood which has been drained from the mother of darkness and without her flowers the universe would fall into some state of unbecoming.
I laugh and he disappears.
There are huge rocks next to me with cracks that could have only been made by something beyond humanity and what am I if not a true testament of humanity, of fear, of love, of hate, these ideas which I’ve nurtured now silently push me in whatever way they want.
A monkey runs into my shelter and he screams a scream that would awake Lucifer from his deep sleep. He rush towards to candle and I tackle him,
“Nirvana, Nirvana, Nirvana” it says over and over again.
I hold it down and ask it not to touch the candle, inside my body turns cold, in the dark who will I be, surely I knew this would come, surely I did so why am I so afraid?
I get off of the monkey and ask it to leave, he turns towards the pouring rain but stops as soon as he gets to the edge then begins running back towards me.
I get ready to kill it but then I notice a flapping piece of black cloth getting closer.
I sink in my own fear and as I turn around the monkey knocks over the candle and suddenly only darkness remains, a flowing river which is bathed in an endless stream of nothing.
I now worry about the figure but sure enough I feel his touch, lightning cracks and for a second I can see, I can see death.

When Will I Disappear?

10 cats fight as the moon howls, right outside of my window the rain is pouring colors through my rusted organs.
I saw you die right before my very eyes, I saw the memories disappear into a hazy oblivion, I met with the mermaids and made love with the mermaids. I grew fast in the grass of hades and then cured myself of all my sins, I now only ask when I will disappear? I now ask of myself to bring forth the blood which was not written by me. I watch in my dreams as reality transforms into echoes of time, as the buildings are destroyed brick by brick, these memories which I’ve been tender with now mock me in my lowest state of nostalgia.
I watch my flesh become transparent and am left with the graveyard trumpets playing in the other room. 
When will I completely disappear?
When will these starry hells let loose their grip of me?