Think Twice

I can't let myself think twice
But I can't help but wonder why Cupid 💘 has to bully me and not have to follow the rules and treat me not so nice
He knows how rotten he's been that's why he never stuck around to give me guidance or advice
I'm not ignorant, I know that true love was destined to be hard. However I never imagined it would be this hard though
I'm not going to say this feels different because I've said that already too many times before
I'm so done hearing "Oh there's someone out there for everyone." I used to strongly believe in that but then it became a very thin blurred lines between it being fact or a myth, so who the hell actually knows 
Does anyone even truly really know?
I'm about to give up on Cupid 💘 for the main reason that he has shot me with one too many arrows 
And the guy wrenching pain from that has got me feeling like I'm a criminal on death row!
I've given Cupid 💘 and love 💕 chance after chance 
And it always starts off so good, but very short lived and stuck at a stand still stance 
Causing the end results to always, ALWAYS hurt like a bitch because my heart is bleeding and I'm just about drowning in my own blood, the chains are squeezing the love 💕 right out of me creating a trail as my heart gets dragged across the floor
My mind has got such a tight/non-budging grip on the chains that my heart's about to explode, there's not much blood left to pour 
That's why I can't let myself think twice anymore 
What if I don't know what it is that I really want, or better yet, what if I don't know what it is that I really need, maybe that's why my relationship don't last and get stuck at a stand still stance? 
These what ifs are too much for me right now I'm way too weak and my heart 💕 finally bursts and my mind starts it's evil victory like dance
The pre-honeymoon phase only lasts for about a two week surprise 
Only to come to my senses and realize that Cupid 💘 was wrong yet again and the whole time it was nothing but butterflies and lies
There are nights when my mind is quiet and it feels like all hope is lost and all of what's left of my shattered heart ❤️💔 can do is let out silent screeching cries
Because the heart is too humble and forgiving and unfortunately that's something the mind can't help but to despise 
So please believe me when I say that I can't let myself think twice 
If I did it would be pointless, because the mind and the heart are natural designated enemies
It would be as pointless as trying to make a wish at a wishing well and being completely out of pennies 
Then there are nights when my mind is so loud that my heart has become so numb it can't even recognize its own voice 
That's when it all came crumbling down on top of me and I knew that giving Cupid 💘 and love 💕 chance after chance was the wrong choice 
And honestly, it's all because I allowed myself to think twice

Stephanie Davis 
05/20/2024
P.S. I apologize for any errors, I just really wanted to get it posted. I will fix any errors later on.