Time (version 1)
The chain upon the pendulum it swings
Rotating closer still, but far too far
Until the day that we develop wings
Anticipation, holding for those dings
Just waiting for the time to be on par
The chain upon the pendulum it swings
Awaiting all the cogs and coils to sing
Tender moments captured upon the breeze
Until the day we should develop wings
Manifest in a little tasteful sting
The Images of you, which often freeze
The chain upon the pendulum it swings
Waiting is worthy of its golden find
Frustration hates to wait for what's in store
Until the day we must develop wings
Passing seconds, hours, days, all unhinged
Ticking of the clock, its beats some more
The chain upon the pendulum it swings
Until the day that we develop wings
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Comments
There's a most excellent stylistic flourish in this poem; you use the repeat lines of the villanelle to mirror the unceasing oscillations of the pendulum...back and forth...ad infinitum. A masterstroke!
And, of course, once again the 'wings' motif is an important feature of this piece (as it has been in so much of your work of late), and it's becoming a little more clear as to why now.
You have an unerring knack of choosing the right form to create the atmosphere you want; here there's a sense of wistful, dreamy longing ... I know how you feel!!
It's beautiful!! Can't wait for version 2.
J XxXxXxXxXxXx
Thanks Jason, I'm really glad.you liked this one ?
Love Lorna
Xxxxx
Again another ....excellent....Thank you
Much appreciated, thanks again Lorris xx
I like the way you write...The theme, phrasing, rhyme scheme and everything about this write is lovely...Well done Lorna
Thank you Rose, your very kind
Lorna x
Hi Lorna, this is so lovely to read out loud ## I really like your style
Hugs and kisses
Leah
Thanks Leah, I really appreciate you words
Lorna
Xxx
You write giving themes a sense of drama or intensity which others find difficult to achieve. You carefully choreograph phrasing and structure to emphasis points you are trying to make.
Great.
Thanks for sharing your creativity !!
Warmest wishes. xx
Hi Richard,
Again very much appreciated, I find Cosmo such a great place to write, as people like yourself are so motivating and filled with such positive encouragement
Thank you so much
Lorna
Xx
Thanks for sharing your gifts !
X
Hey Lorna and guess that's what life and waiting is all the time.
Just like said swaying pendulum back and fore, back and fore, back and fore...
Infinity calling or is it mere echo's in our hummingbird lifespan in the great scheme of things, that great veiled plan in time to be unveiled to all.
Love what you have said and your closing line, that spark that reads like a living dream, a longing.
Thanks Lorna enjoyed reading and a great write throughout :) x.
Hi Shaun,
this one I ended up doing this twice as I couldn't choose or emalgmate them
I think you might pretty much know me now since you've read a canny bit of my scribbles.
thank you again
Lorna x
Yeah I did view that other one and will read that one tomorrow... in time of course!!
And forgot to mention after reading this check out William Blake's Auguries of Innocence one like yours about time, the infinite and dreams woven in mortality...
To see a World in a Grain of Sand
And a Heaven in a Wild Flower
Hold Infinity in the palm of your hand
And Eternity in an hour
A Robin Red breast in a Cage
Puts all Heaven in a Rage...
And so on.
Well worth a looksee if you haven't read it. x.
Ooh I haven't read that, I will give it a go :)
sounds like something I will enjoy!
you dont need to check the other one, (I didnt realise how many bliddy villanelles I've written) I dont want to bore you!!
thanks Again
Lorna x
It is a good un to read.
And with regards to your Time (version 2) poem and you saying don't bother...
Too bad!!!
For that's a red flag to a bull my friend and will do so tomorrow and it'll be my first port of call! Olé!
It's like a button saying do not press...
See you tomorrow and for the record have just read your Entwined poem and superbly done! :) xx.