To My Demons

Why are you doing this to me?
Why do you want me to die?
Why do I level from high to low
In the blink of an eye?
Please, stop..
I’m tired of feeling this way
Every single fucking day.
You want me to let go.
You want me to suffocate
Every time I take a breath.
You want to choose my fate.
Stop forcing this upon me.
I’m not ready to die!
Stop making me feel like everything I live for
I have to question why.
Fuck you for making me ill,
For making my life a living hell,
For making me afraid of my mind,
For putting me on the ground before I even fell.
It’s gotten to the point
Where a simple smile is a cry for help.
My insecurities eat me alive
And I can’t do anything for myself.
I refuse to accept your invitation
For I’m not one of your kind.
So, stop luring me in.
I want to live my life!
You are not going to be my controller.
I’m not going to be your game.
I can’t let you win anymore.
It’s time to make a change.
Now, before I go,
I have one last thing to say..
Thank you for making me stronger
Through every ounce of pain.
I’m a survivor.. so far.
-Tori Russell