Twitchy's Lament

Hi Peeps(do the kids still say that? I hope so),

Listen, since my cranial creative activity has slowed to a brief, seven year halt, I thought I might just say hi, and tell you a little bit more about myself. I'm Ima Sakapupu. I'm from Sweden, but was born, and raised in Hong Kong, and have never left China...or Japan, whichever Hong Kong is in. I've been writing since I was a young waif of 72...not poetry, but writing letters and numbers and stuff, and started writing poetry at the lean age of 64.
Some of my better known poems(as you might recognize), are: A Melon for Dean, I Dropped My Falafal, Terror In My Colon, Merv's Hand Surgery, and The Dentists of Morocco.
I love creating things, and have many patents pending. In mathematics, I came up with the first six-sided triangle, called the Sixtangle. I currently am seeking backing for my Theory of Molecular Expulsatory Descending Co-efficients, however, I think many scientific minds harbor resentment toward my abilities, and are panning it, simply because I only came up with the name part and no numeric values to back it up, or any explanation of what it actually means. I invented the yak, and a pair of scissors that actually puts cut things back together. I'm engaged to be married, but don't know to who yet, as I have not found the right person. Some of my hobbies are: taking meeting minutes when there are actually no meetings going on, calling my friends and pretending I'm Jim Nabors, squatting, calling Jim Nabors and pretending I'm my friends, describing meat cuts to police sketch artists, and waffling on decisions which only have one possible outcome.
 
I invented the first pair of magnetic pants.
 

My niece, Iva Sakapupu, once said 'He who follows the lamb shall visit the city of golden miscreants, in the Spring, but shall require a light jacket!', and I have always tried to live by that axiom.

The 3 things I despise most are: tree forts, habadashary, oblong things, and Papillion. I mean, what kind of name is Papillion for an explorer??!! Was he an explorer? If not, what the heck did he do then?

Oh wait! A poem just came to me!

My grammy(my father’s mother’s sister, on my Aunt’s side) used to have a shoppe of baked goods called Delicious Sakapupu, and she loved writing poetry, but just did not have the time with all the hassles of the shoppe. So, what she did was to combine the two, and she wrote all of her recipes in the form of poems! Here’s one I used to love as a little Sakapupu:
 
Banana Bread by Iva Sakapupu.

 
Two eggs, so beaten, that they cry,
A pinch of salt, watch your eye!
Six ripe bananas, three of each,
Do not mistake them for a peach!
Five cups of flour, in a bowl,
Form the dough into a roll.
 
I heat the oven, nice and warm,
Add five degrees for a snow storm!
Keep it in for just an hour,
Do not add lemon, for it will sour.
 
Oh, wondrous slab of banana loaf!
Don’t eat the whole thing, you giant oaf!
For it appears as quite delicious,
Although your hair is quite suspicious!
 
Enjoy!
 
Gosh, that brings back mammaries, doesn’t it?
 
Well, I better get going. I have to read some more of Matthew’s carp, and comment. He doesn’t pay me well, but at least I get a good laugh from his love poems.
 
Thanks!
 
Ima.