Unknown self

Bottled up inside are secrets never told, facing these demons on my own, i feel like my soul has been sold.. My heart is completely numb, some how everything is always my fault.. No matter where i turn, the flames follow and i continue to burn.. I lost everything i ever loved and believed in.. Gave into this world of sin… i chose the wrong path.. Now i must face the wrath… tangled up in these emotions and thoughts.. How do i love ? How do i feel? Because its seems i have forgot.. Forgot how to love with all my heart.. Before my whole world was torn apart… i used to care about everyone and put others before myself. I always cared about others because i knew how hurt felt.. Now i feel nothing.. Im completely numb inside.. I lay awake at night and hope that i die..  This weight of the anchor is pulling down.. So fast im ready to drown.. Breathless weak.. i can barely speak.. Racing thoughts and consistent pain.. Will i ever be the same again?.. Struggling with my inner demons i have no idea who i even am.. When i see my my reflection i know i am damned.. I know God knows my pain.. But does he hear me when i'm calling his name? Why am i left to fight this battle on my own? Why is it hate that's always shown? Why so many questions why am i so alone? I lost everything i have ever known.. Most importantly i lost who i was now Every day i struggle to just be alive.. Another wreckless day another night i'll lay awake and cry.. I just want my mind to slow down.. I want to smile but i always frown… someday i'll find the key… and from these chains i'll finally be free..