Where's the will

I wish I had a stronger will to live

wish I had the want to want not to die

all I want is to want to be happy 

but it seems all I do is get in my way

go out of my way 

to make sure I stay sad

stay in those ways

in a way 

all I'm doing is thinking of reasons 

and even more reasons 

as to why I'm sad

but only because I know some will ask

and I need a better answer than 

"I just feel sad"

I need a better reason 

to better explain my situation 

a better reason

to avoid the treason 

so people 

so you

won't see that I'm fucking weird

that I'm fucking sad

that I don't know what to do

and that I won't go outa my way 

to die

I'm not gonna go off and commit suicide

but I'm not exactly trying to keep myself alive 

not exactly caring on what happens to me

I hope as much as one can

that I a freak accident will hit me like a bus 

that I won't have a thing more to worry about because it'll all just stop

I'll just stop