COMPASSION

Chapter 20

The Vial

As Joe Havard’s depression deepens he desperately needs to find a place where he can feel safe and relax. Going home after work was not going to be one of those safe and stress-free places. He was ready to leave the family home and start life on his own but wanted to receive his share of the family money. The only joy he felt at home was his brother Tommy telling him he was going out for the night and leaving him in peace for a few hours.
 
That was pretty much the routine for a couple of weeks: Come home from work, eat supper, go upstairs to the TV room on
the second floor until Tommy yelled up the stairs he was going out. Joe would come downstairs and watch TV until he saw Tommy’s truck headlights shine into the driveway signaling he was coming home. Joe would then rush upstairs and go to bed. Avoidance was the best policy Joe felt. Of course, Joe knew the peace of mind would soon come to an end.
 
It was a Thursday night when Joe came home from work and unlocked the kitchen door. The chain lock was again on the door. Tommy was waiting on the inside of the door and unlatched
the chain. The house was dark as Joe entered. He walked into the dining room and looked into the TV room where Tommy would be sitting and all he could see was the bright red cigarette glowing in the dark. Joe headed upstairs and quickly changed his clothes. He was starved so he headed back downstairs to the kitchen for his favorite Turkey TV Dinner.
 
Tommy called to Joe, “Before you eat supper  I want to talk to you.”
 
Joe sat in the chair next to Tommy. He was sick to his stomach because he could feel the uneasy vibe in the room.
 
Tommy tells Joe, “This is the last time I am going to ask you about what you saw the morning Ma died.”
 
Joe shouts at Tommy, “Nobody killed Ma! There were no footprints on the rug. Rose your girlfriend did not come in and strangled Ma!”
 
Tommy shouts back, “I never  told you that!”
 
“You told me that twice,” Joe replies.
 
Tommy gets up from his Mother’s chair and goes into his Mother’s bedroom and opens the top dresser drawer and removes a small glass vial. He walks back to Joe and shows him the vial, “Do you
know what this is?”
 
 Joe tells Tommy, “That is the vial of holy water Ma saved from
Dad’s Funeral.”
 
Tom leans into Joe, “That is what Ma told us but how do you know what is inside this vial? Did it ever occur to you it could be poison and Ma took it to kill herself!”
 
Joe struggles to find a reply to his brother, “If it's poison let’s get it tested at a Lab. I will pay for the test!”  
 
His brother’s anger intensifies, “What are you fucking stupid! Do you know what would happen if these people found Ma killed herself!”
 
Joe and Tommy are both mentally worn out from the depression and the absence of anyone to talk to. They are both driving each other up the wall but neither brother will give any ground. Joe senses Tommy is ready to start punching to prove his point and concedes to his brother, “It could be poison. What should we do?”
 
“Now you are using your head. When you don’t know what to do you go flying off the handle going to outside people when you should be coming to ask me what to do.”
   “You are right Tommy.”
 
   “Let me worry about the vial. Do not tell anyone about what we talked about here.”
 
   Joe promises, “I won’ t tell anyone not even Mike.”  
 
Joe Havard is driving on Cemetery road headed for his Mother’ s grave. He has had it with his Brother Tommy and can’t take it anymore and he intends to tell his Mother. He parks the car outside the cemetery next to the black iron fence. As he approaches the
front gate a tremendous wind starts to blow him back. He slowly fights his way forward into the strong headwind and finally gets to the grave. The ground is still frozen and there is no grass on the grave. Just a perfect brown rectangle. Joe is about to release his verbal tirade against his Mother.
 
Joe screams so his Mother can hear him six feet under, “Why did you leave me with that lunatic son of yours! Now I have to listen to my crazy brother tell me how all women are whores, how everybody is stupid, how there is no good news anywhere. First, it his girlfriend who killed you. Now you took poison and committed suicide. You know what I want to do. I want to put him out of his misery. He is better off dead. I should hit in in the head with a hammer. Everybody is a pig, a whore, a crook.    It is Hell on earth living with him. All you and Dad do is lie there and sleep and I have to suffer. I can’t even sleep. I have so much adrenaline pumping in me I feel I can run a marathon. Give me a sign. Do you want me to kill him? His fucking mind is shot. He has not worked for three years and he's got all my money. How could you leave me with a crazy person like him? All he does is smoke cigarettes and drink wine and rum all
day. Then when I come home he is Betty Crocker making me supper and putting my clothes out for the next day. I told him I don’t want him cooking for me. You have to do something. You have to find me a girl so I can hang around with her. I promise you if
you do not find me a girl I think I will hit him in the head with a hammer. Is that what you want?”
 
Joe falls to his knees and starts call out for help, “God, Jesus, Mom, Dad, anybody who is listening get me out of this HELLHOLE called life! Please, would somebody kill Tommy, Kill me or find me a wife! Every stupid fucking guy in work has a wife. How the hell did they ever find a woman? I have no idea. I took you for rides Ma you owe me. I was your Chauffeur. Please get the Ape off my back. You never told me he would go crazy when you died but this is too much.” 
 
Joe stops his rant and his memory plays out a scene in his head when years ago he asked his Mother for guidance on what to do when she died and he realized his worst fear.
  
It is 1980, ten years before Catherine’s death and Mom and son are sitting in the TV room watching TV.
 
 “One day you will find me dead on the floor. I told Tommy to call Manions Funeral Home and bury me next to your Father,”  Mom tells Joe while taking a puff of her favorite smoke. 
 
“Ma what am I supposed to do after you die?” asks a concerned son.
 
“Just go on with your life,”  Mom replies.
 
“What about Tommy?”  
 
Catherine bows her head and softly tells Joe, “ He is going to go crazy when I die.”
 
Joe’s memory passes and he is brought back to the grave, “Oh Ma you did tell me Tommy would go crazy!” Joe stands up and walks to the headstone and removes a pack of his Mothers favorite cigarettes and places it next to the stone. He leaves the grave passing the large green evergreen bush in the corner of the cemetery not realizing his Mother is standing right there and heard the entire rant.
 
Mrs. Havard now realizes a Mother’s responsibility does not end with her death. Children will cry for Mom for Eternity.