COMPASSION

Chapter 40

Representation

Joe can’t sleep. He looks at the radio clock and it is 3:00 AM. He is so excited about his phone call from the Literary Agent he is dying to tell someone. He gets out of bed knowing his brother is sleeping in the next room. He gets dressed and gets in his car to drive to his Mother’s grave. He parks outside the Cemetery Entrance and goes through the gate. The Havard Family plots are on the left side gate entrance right in front. Joe squares off in front of his Mother’s grave and lights a Brown More 100 Cigarette. He takes a puff and is busting with pride.
 
“Hey Ma, wake up I got some news you won’t believe.
You remember you told me to come up with something big. Well ever since you died I have been having strange dreams and even some hallucinations. I haven’t been able to control my mind it keeps wandering. Nobody ever told me in school this would happen when you died. You didn’t even tell me about this depression shit. It is no joke and it is a Fucking Nightmare. Nobody ever told me I could die from depression. Nobody ever told me I have to survive the Death of My Mother. Dad’s death was easy your death was a Fucking Nightmare. I am sorry for saying Fuck all the time but Jesus Christ living with Tommy is Insane. He keeps telling me you committed suicide, he tells me his girlfriend strangled you, he says they are trying to get in the house. He tells me I am trying to steal his money bag. You told me he was going to go crazy when you died and I never thought much about what you said. Now I see you were trying to warn me. He is a full blown Lunatic. He needs help. Ma, I swear to God you know we always got in fights and you broke them up but Tommy was strong but not super strong. Now when he wants to fight he grabs me and starts punching me I look in his face and I swear he is not Tommy. He is some kind of crazy animal and he is super strong. It is like he is possessed and has some kind of Demon or Devil in him. You know I can take a punch but I actually think he could kill me if he wanted. Ma, that ain’t right. That is Cain and Able shit. I can’t tell the people at work about this stuff. I got no one to tell. I use to have guilt by not joining the Army and not going to Vietnam. But I was afraid I would get killed. Now that I have spent time living with Tommy I lost my Vietnam guilt. I am terrified just going in the house knowing he is inside. If the point of sending soldiers to war is to show people how horrible life can be then I have served my time in Hell living with Tommy. I can’t believe nobody in school or the church warned me about depression. There should be some life course we should teach people about this depression illness. Let me get another smoke here going.”
 
Joe freezes lighting his second cigarette when he sees a Police Car cruising past the Cemetery Entrance. Joe wonders if he is talking too loud and the people across the street called the cops on him.
 
Joe continues, “Ma are you still listening. I got Great News. I started writing your life story down on paper. It is about you and Dad. Let me tell you I started smashing my hand down on a yellow writing pad and I was holding a pen. It was brutal. It was like my mind was forcing my hand to pick up a pen and drag it across the paper. I swear to God it was like somebody possessed me and forced me to do it. I am not a writer. I don’t know what the Hell is going on here. Somebody is forcing me to write this story and I can’t stop. If I tell anybody about this they will lock me up. I got to go before the Police see me in here. I just wanted to show you this letter. It is from Inferno Entertainment and I called them and Mr. Diablo wants to meet me. I think this is my big break. He says my story has potential. Ma, it is always great talking to you. I am sorry I didn’t wake up to help you. You might still be alive today instead you died alone in your chair.”
 
Joe puts a carton of More Cigarettes on Catherine’s grave and leaves the Cemetery. His Mother is standing at the grave and watches her son leave.
Catherine is lying in her coffin and opens the lid. She goes to her closet and takes her Black Funeral Dress from the closet and goes downstairs to talk to her husband. He is listening to his Chanting Music.
 
“Tom we have to talk.” Catherine shows Tom her dress.
 
“Joe was at the grave just now.”
 
Tom replies, “Yes I heard him. He got a letter from a Literary Agent who wants to meet with him.”
 
Catherine tells Tom, “He put my Funeral Dress on and is writing his story with the dress on. He is sitting in the chair I died in and writing.”
 
Catherine asks, “Do you think this agent can help him?”
 
Tom replies, “I am going to get real here with you. Joe is a confused Polock. In all of history has any Polish person written anything of importance?”
 
Catherine protests, “That is our son you are talking about. Why are you being mean?”
 
Tom replies, “Can I finish?”
 
Catherine replies, “Go ahead.”
 
“Like I was saying I know Polocks. I married one. Why do you think the Nazis shoot them in the head. Polocks are stubborn and they won’t listen to anyone. You can’t deal with them. They have their own way of doing things. All the Polocks on our ship were either Plumbers or Electricians. They are Technical People and they do great work. They are not writers because they are not creative. They are too practical. To be creative you have to be a goof, narcissistic, in love with yourself and there has to be suffering from some major mental illness. Joe has the mental illness part down but he is not a goof. If he was he couldn’t have wired and plumbed your two houses you remolded.  He is not narcissistic and he is not in love with himself. He is in Love with his Dead Mother and food.”
 
Catherine screams at Tom, “Don’t say he is in Love with me!”
 
Tom replies, “Maybe Love is not the right word. Joe worships you like you were GOD. When I died he heard from his Aunts…your Sisters you were going to give the Boys to an Orphanage because you had no money and couldn’t manage the family without a Husband. So you tell Joe and the Boys you will take care of everything and you did a great job. Now the boys have anointed you to Sainthood. That is why they were so dependent on you. Mike is the only real man he found a wife and started his own family. Tommy and Joe are thirty-year-old toddlers who are both crying like babies because they lost their mommy.”
 
If Joe was more Irish he would have a chance at writing something great. Something moving that explores the depths of man’s soul. The reason the Irish are great writers is that they are all Fucking Drunks. The reason they are all Fucking Drunks is they have guilt over having sex with women because of the Church. So they all crawl in a bottle to suppress their true feelings. I have read what Joe wrote. It is a rambling, confused and bizarre stream of thoughts. His story is horrible and all over the map. So a Literary Agent reads his story and tells him it has potential. What that tells me is something is wrong here. If you honestly think Joe’s work has potential you are more Fucked up that your son. Something stinks here and if you can’t smell it you need help.”
 
Catherine replies, “Why do you have to be so mean and negative?”
 
Tom replies, “Because you asked me what I thought. Do you want me to Bull Shit you or do you want the truth?”
 
Catherine tells Tom, “Well we have to be there when Joe meets this man.”
 
Tom replies, “I have talked to many famous Actors and Actress who all worked in the  Hollywood Movie Business since my death. They all told me the same thing. The general public has no idea how Dirty, Evil, Backstabbing and Horrific that Entertainment business is. They all said Hollywood is one Giant Cesspool. We see them on TV or on the Red Carpet and they are smiling but it is all an illusion. All they try to do is Kill one another. They don’t use guns or knives they use words to kill each other. Joe has no idea what he would be getting into and he is not smart enough to defend or protect himself. He will be destroyed. Tommy is right he should stop writing. Yes, we will be there when Joe meets this Mr. Diablo but I am telling you now this will turn into our worst Nightmare. I would rather see him become an alcoholic and drunk than become a Hollywood Writer. Drunks at least have some honor in them. This Diablo guy will do more damage than that Blond Witch he became obsessed with. Now don’t ask me any more questions about this. I need to listen to my music to calm down. I am ready to Kill somebody.”
 
Catherine asks, “Why are you mad at me?”
 
Tom replies, “I am not mad at you. I am mad at myself because I can’t figure out what is going on here. All I know is Diablo guy wants something from Joe and it is not his writing talent.”