Hell, Yeah.
In the shadows, of doubt, and correlating " nightmares " of a damaged mind, I find myself. Beset by feelings, born of negative " humility ", cast into the open-water, due to perverse androgeny mixed with non-conformist gatherings, I sink " without trace " ! Life. A twist or turn for the worse. Frequently. How, after such promises, was my voyage of discovery becalmed by lack of prevailing support ?
The cause and effect analysis rings true. More than if the " postman " delivered to the wrong " address " !! What, was mistaken as habitual malevolence, came back to haunt. Corruption of body leading to " polluted " thoughts. Recordings detrimental to peaceful " sleep " not helping, one bit. How, was this so ? Entirely different from the rest, and knowing, it.
In terms of pseudo-transformations, there was a recognition of my own character being tied down. With ailments, therein, leaving no room for manouvre...if, that, was ever possible !! Traits, changed, from hearty sustenance to the " fatigue " or, famine of ritualistic wariness. What, could affect you any more, than, that ?
The " love " of it....fades, consistently. As, I search for the definition of happiness within a " captive " environment. Moans and groans of " revolution " compounding issues resulting from frustration. The " queen " of wonderland becoming messenger of doom-laden " anacdotes. " That, no longer " floats the boat " !! Those other intrusions into my domain also not conforming to expectation, again causing consternation.
How, did it come, to pass ? How, did the dream turn....sour ? Who, cares ?
Apart from the worry, there are headaches. Like, urges unfulfilled because of unreliable " statements of intent ", and subsequent failings. The areas of concern so large as to bring the " ship crashing on to rocks " !! If, time tells...then, I do not want to hear " what is what. " Too much has gone on, for there to be negotiation and " settlement. " Thank, goodness.
You must leave it at the door, now. The " whys and wherefores " teaching nothing. In peril, I beg forgiveness......instead. The usual treatment of weakness not acceptable. The " long walk home " beckons....and I approve. For, the integrity of my soul. " Way, to go !! "
What, is wrong, with, that ?
Comments
On my second read through I wanted to cry.
Change is difficult and violent. It hurts and not just the person changing, but everything around them. Change casts ripples out into the world, ripples that throw the norm into chaos. Others have to realign their footing or fall... and they claim it is our fault.
In my experience I've cut myself off from those who cannot adapt with me because to help them I'd have to become stagnant and that idea is repugnant to me.
This really hit a nerve with me Richard. If change is in the wind, embrace it and don't let go. It is the surest way to grow.
Blessings and hugs.
Rebecca
" A change for the better.....is as good as a break ! " Mind you, change is life. Nothing stays the same forever. Does it now ? You, must accept change as inevitable, and always relevant. You, must adapt to change.....to survive, and then thrive, WHATEVER ITS NATURE.
It is those who embrace change, using it to their advantage, who do the best, obviously.
Take care, wherever you are, withstanding whatever affects you. XX :)